Page 189 of Keep This Promise
God, that sounds as if he’s asking me on a date, which would be crazy because it’s so soon. I’m not ready for that. But maybe I’m being forward by thinking that. What if it’s not a date, and he wants to talk to me about parental rights?
We would have to figure out something because I can’t even dispute things. Holden’s name isn’t on the new birth certificate.
“Like a dinner,” he finishes before my panic really sets in. “Nothing more than two friends having dinner to talk about life.”
“All right.” I’m sure he can hear the hesitation in my voice.
“Sophie, I promise, it’s nothing. I just would like for us to hang out and get to know each other more. Eden loves going to Mama James’s house, and we know she’s safe there. I’ll even have Emmett put a patrol car on her block if you want to have another layer of comfort.”
“Do you mean that?” I ask.
“The patrol thing? Yeah. Also, I have a friend who does private security that’ll be in town this weekend, I can see if he can do me a solid.”
I keep my voice even so that I don’t just end up telling him that there’s already security keeping an eye on us and say, “That’s really sweet. Are you sure?”
“I’ll ask Emmett and Spencer to talk to Jackson. If he can’t, I’ll get it taken care of.”
Jackson? Jackson is his friend? I didn’t think it was Holden that he knew, but now it makes sense. He didn’t want Holden to see him at his house when he brought Theo’s letter and, a while back, Blakely had mentioned Emmett hiring private security. I’m so stupid. I didn’t even put two and two together.
Is anything in my life really what it seems?
Then I look at Holden. Who has been open, and I like him. My past is my past, and I would rather look forward.
“Then I would love to have dinner with you.”
I head in my room, smiling like a total dork, and try to force myself to sleep.
Hours later, I am still wide awake, so I grab my diary and pen.
Dear Diary,
It has been just over three months since I arrived in Rose Canyon. Three months of settling into a life I didn’t know I was meant to have.
Once again, I’m faced with this feeling that I can’t understand but is equal parts happiness and sadness. Not because I left England because, with that, I am at peace. I miss some things, but what kept me there was Theo, and he’s gone.
When I painted today, I thought of him. I remembered him coming into my studio, making fun of whatever I had done, and the two of us laughing at his silliness. He always could make me laugh, but he has also hurt me deeply.
And my life I had is gone. I want more than that. I want . . . love and a life.
Holden makes me feel alive in a way that Theo never could. I’m a woman when I’m near him. A woman who very much wants a man.
We have friendship, but there’s something simmering—more like boiling—a passion that is going to spill over. I am not sure how much longer I can resist it or if I even want to.
It’s more the fear of what Theo might have done or been involved in. I will never forget the day he died and the way he sent me away. How he pleaded with me to go and leave him to keep us safe.
Safe from what?
That is something I still don’t know. What if none of this is real? What if Theo created this elaborate scheme to get me here because he knew I would never have the strength to find Holden on my own? There have been no threats. No one new has suddenly appeared in town. But I didn’t imagine what happened in the airport, so I worry that, if I let my guard down, that will be the moment something happens. All of these questions circle the drain in my head.
That is what I don’t want to bring into Holden’s life, which is irrational since I already have by just being here.
Still, I am lying in bed as the clock keeps ticking, thinking about how it was to be held by him. How I wanted so badly to wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him. To properly have a night together because he’s what I dream of.
* * *
“So, you have a date?” Blakely asks as we have our weekly coffee at the shop.
“It’s not a date. It’s dinner with the bloke I eat dinner with every night.”
