Page 168 of Keep This Promise
“Let’s turn your night around, Sophie, and make it one you never forget.”
I wake up, feeling a bit flustered after the dream. It’s been so long since I thought of that night. So long since I remembered the way Holden made me feel. I went from being so afraid of someone to feeling safer than I ever had, which is a testament to how nutty I am.
Eden is beside me, her face relaxed in blissful slumber. The clock reads two in the morning, and while I should try to go back to sleep, I’m wide awake and a bit confused.
I rummage through my bag on the side of the bed and grab my diary. It always helps me assemble my thoughts, and heaven knows I need to do that. Once I find it, I walk over to the chair in the corner and turn the lamp on.
With my pen poised above the paper, I start to write.
Dear Diary,
It’s been over a week since I’ve had the time, or maybe more the desire, to do this, but I need to get out my feelings more than ever.
I have lost Theo. He died, and not only did I lose him but also everything else. My home, my friends (not that I had many), my country, my name, and job. I miss him. I want to walk into his study and tell him about Eden hanging upside down again and have him help me come up with ideas to stop her. I want to hug him, explain my grief over everything happening, and I can’t.
Instead, I am here at two in the morning, writing to you.
My only friend in this world.
Although, that’s not quite true. In losing Theo, I have gained Holden.
Theo forced me to go because Eden and I are in danger. From what? I don’t know, but I’m in Rose Canyon to start new. I am angry because of this. He should’ve told me when he discovered Holden’s identity. He owed me that much. Instead, he kept it and revealed it when I cannot seek answers as to how or why he lied. None of it makes sense. My heart is literally torn in pieces. How can I love Theo, trust him, know him as well as I know myself and, yet, not know him at all? I am so angry at him for lying and dying and leaving.
I am also confused about Holden. He is the last man to have ever touched me. He and I share a child, and while we don’t know each other, I feel safe with him.
I’m starting to question my sanity. That’s really the heart of it.
It makes no sense to trust him. We met one night in passing that resulted in our child.
I can’t even think about the fact that I am attracted to him because it feels wrong. I shouldn’t feel this way, right? I know my marriage wasn’t sexual, but I loved Theo.
None of this makes sense, but I dreamt of the night we met and remembered his touch, so maybe it’s the loneliness. Maybe it’s the fact that I never thought I would want a man again—or, at least, if I wanted one, I wouldn’t have the option to have him. But now I might want someone, but I’m a widow and shouldn’t want to be with anyone. There is no reason that I can’t be with someone, aside from the danger I know nothing of but could be hunting me nonetheless.
ChapterTen
SOPHIE
“Mummy, can we see Daddy?” Eden asks as I am getting her dressed.
I don’t know how to tell her this. I have been struggling so much over what to tell her about Theo’s death or how to do it. She loved him so much, and there was no one in the world he loved more than her. She never got to say goodbye. She never will have some of the rituals that help with grief.
But it’s time.
I won’t lie to her any longer.
I take both her wrists in my hands, getting low so we’re eye level. “Eden, do you remember how Daddy and I told you that he was sick?”
She nods. “He’s at the hospital.”
“He was. He was very sick, darling. His heart was weak and tired.”
“Is he sleeping?” she asks innocently.
“Not quite, Daddy has gone to Heaven to be with Granny,” I tell her. Eden wasn’t old enough to understand my mother passing away, but we spoke of her being in Heaven often enough.
“Will he come back?”
I move my hands to hers. “No, he can’t, but we can talk to him at night or in our prayers.”
