Page 29 of Help Me Remember
Addy raises a brow. “Whether you are or aren’t still a thing, and I’m not saying you are...or are not. I was kind of shocked he wasn’t there.”
“He did call,” I tell her.
“Oh, how nice of him. I take it he didn’t show up at all?”
“I got my new phone number, and I sent him a text so he’d have it. He called right away, but I was too emotional to answer. He left a voice mail saying he was sorry and was going to come as soon as he could. Then texted me saying how sorry he was and gave me some bullshit about a client that he was required to handle and to please understand it won’t be like this again. He wants me to come to Portland and spend some time with him. It’s so . . . I don’t know. For now, I don’t feel much like responding.”
I can see on her face that she’s not buying any of it. “You should do what you think is right. Not to mention, you’re not stupid or a doormat.”
“How do I decide what’s right when I’m missing all the tools to weigh my options?”
Addison sits beside me, stretching her legs out. “I think you have to follow your gut. Right now, it seems as if it’s telling you what you should do, so it’s up to you to be brave enough to listen. But, do me a favor, okay?”
“Of course.”
“Don’t do anything unless it’s somethingyouwant to do. The last two weeks have been a nightmare for both of us, and sometimes it’s important to take a minute and just breathe and heal. Also, before you make any decisions about Henry, know that whatever you’re experiencing now is likely how your life is or would be with him. We both know you won’t put up with it.”
There is a beat of time that passes as we take in her words, really letting them settle around us before I look to her. “Thank you. Also, thank you for not hating me,” I say. It’s been a worry of mine, that Addison would look at me like a failure as well.
“What the hell could I hate you for?”
“I don’t know . . . the entire situation.”
“I would never hate you. You didn’t do this, Brielle. There’s no one else in the world who loved Isaac as much as you. He was your hero too.”
“I’m going to get to the bottom of it,” I tell her with every ounce of sincerity I have. “For you. For Elodie. For him.”
“I don’t doubt you.”
And hopefully, I find myself somewhere along the way.
* * *
Spencer walks me to the door of my apartment, and my hands are shaking the entire time.
I am strong. I can do this. I just have to get through the first night, and then it’ll be easy.
That’s the new load of crap I’m feeding myself.
“I was thinking we should go skydiving,” Spencer says, stunning me.
“What?”
“We should do something stupid.”
“And skydiving is your top suggestion?”
He tilts his head. “Maybe cliff diving.”
I huff. “Yeah, that went over super well the last time.”
Spencer grins. “Yeah, you totally didn’t listen when we said to jump to the left.”
I glare at him. “I was, like, a thousand feet up! I couldn’t hear shit. The wind was blowing, it was fucking freezing, and you idiots were waving your hands in different directions. I had to guess.”
“You guessed wrong.”
Oh, I hate him. “You can say this flippantly now, but if I remember, you were losing your mind when I came up for air.”
