Page 92 of Help Me Remember
“I don’t know . . .” he admits.
The wind blows, and I cinch his jacket tighter. Spencer steps to me, rubbing my arms. I look up into his green eyes, wanting to understand. “It’s so hard for me to know what’s reality and what’s a dream.”
He stares down at me. “What do you mean?”
I haven’t said anything to Spencer, but I did talk to Dr. Girardo yesterday about the vivid dreams. I wake up, so sure that my dream was a memory. Spencer’s hands are on my body, I see his smile as we are in the dream. All of my senses are engaged, and I’ve woken up more than once, panting and longing for him.
Dr. Girardo and I unpacked the one I had yesterday, and he pointed out that the sequence of events in the dreams aren’t in order. I’ll be kissing Spencer one second and fighting with him the next. He and I think it could be a mix of a memory of someone else and I’m replacing that person with Spencer. He said that, until I have this occur in an awake state, he would agree with my assessment that it’s a mash-up of dreams, memories, and events, but it’s unclear which is which.
“I dream of you,” I tell him. His hands stop moving, but he doesn’t let go. “I dream of us together on the beach like we were a few weeks ago. I dream about us eating dinner in my apartment or of you sneaking out in the morning. I wake up, so sure that it’s real, but I think it’s just me wishing it were.” His breathing has gotten a little faster, and I look him in his eyes as I say, “Tell me, is it a memory or a dream?”
“It can be the future,” he says, moving his hands up my arms to my neck, cradling my face.
He leans in, and this will be the first time he’s kissed me in public. There are hundreds of people right on the other side of the glass. I close my eyes, ready for his lips on mine.
“Brielle! Brie!” Charlie calls, and Spencer pulls away a second before she rounds the corner. “There you are! I have been looking all over for you. Fancy finding you here too, Spencer.”
“Charlie,” he says and then clears his throat. “We came out here for some air.”
Charlie chuckles. “Sure, you did. I’m not an idiot. You do realize there are a lot of windows in this establishment, right?”
“We weren’t . . .”
“I don’t care what you two do, I just came out here to stop it before everyoneelsesaw the two of you lock lips. We both know how some people react to things. So, laugh now at my hilarious joke.” Neither of us do. She lifts her brows. “Go on.”
Spencer and I smile and then pretend to laugh. “Okay.”
“Now, Spencer, you go inside and get Brielle’s clutch since Brielle has a headache. It’s best you take her home.”
He nods once and heads off.
“Is it that bad?” I ask nervously.
“No, we just had to calm Emmett down a little.”
I groan. “What does he have to be upset about?”
Charlie arches a brow. “Babe, you don’t remember a large gap of your life and everyone is trying to protect your testimony. Emmett has already been told that he’s at a major disadvantage because there is no evidence pointing to a suspect. They are pinning all their hopes on you. He doesn’t want to give a defense any possible ammunition.”
“What does that have to do with Spencer?”
Her smile is soft, but there’s a little censure there. “It’s just not the best optics. Not when the DA already has issues with Spencer helping you. The regular protocol would be working with Dr. Girardo.”
“I asked him to help.”
“And you aren’t legally bound to do whatever the protocol is. But you have a team of people who want to protect you and also get justice for someone you all loved. Also, Emmett is a guy who has been to war and seen shit. He’s watched people he loves die, and that’s never easy, but when you get out of that wartime mindset, you don’t think you’ll see your friend shot at home. I think everyone here is feeling uneasy.”
“There’s no one who wants to catch my brother’s killer more than I do.” And just like that, I’m annoyed with myself because I keep pushing people to answer questions that I shouldn’t be pushing them to answer.
As if she can read my thoughts as they chase across my expression, Charlie gives me a small smile. “I know. Go back to your apartment, relax, and let the town party. Tomorrow, everything will be fine. Also, always have your keys. If something happened out here, we wouldn’t have been alerted until it was too late. The panic button should go everywhere with you.”
She’s right. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. The point of it is to protect you. Let us do that. We have no idea if the killer is walking among us, and we want you to always be protected, no matter what.”
“Okay.”
Spencer comes back outside with my clutch. “Sorry, I had to . . . talk to a friend.”
