Page 57 of Help Me Remember
“I remembered that interview,” I say more to myself.
“You did.”
“And I met Isaac at the school after,” I tell him again, as though he didn’t already know this.
Dr. Girardo grins. “Did you recall this event before today?”
I shake my head. “The only other thing I’ve remembered is that my brother got a car he wouldn’t let me drive. It would have happened right around the same time,” I muse.
“Why is that?”
I glance up at him, a smile slowly forming on my lips. “We took that car to lunch. He said he wanted to drive it one more time before it was gone.”
“Tell me about that memory.”
I launch into the beach trip and how Spencer helped me relax enough to let my mind drift. “It just stopped, though. Like water slipping through my fingers, once the last drop fell, so did the memory.”
He rubs his chin. “What were you feeling during that memory?”
“I don’t know.”
“Take a second to think about it. Try to go back to that beach with Spencer. Think about the heat of the sun and the sound of the waves. What were you feeling in the moment and not in the memory?”
I push the memory part out and do as he says, remembering the other things around me. “I was warm. I remember feeling this heat, not just from the sun, but from everything around me.”
“What about smells?”
“The salty air, for sure, and Spencer.”
“What does he smell like?” Dr. Girardo asks.
I smile. “Like sunshine and fresh air with a hint of leather. He smells like safety.”
“What does safety feel like?”
“Hope and happiness.”
“So, when you’re with Spencer, you feel safe and hopeful?”
I look at him quickly. “No. I mean, yes, but not like that.”
“Okay, I understand. He’s more like a trusted friend who you can count on to listen and never judge. Does that sound accurate?”
“Everything we say here is in confidence, right?” I ask, not wanting to be worried that Holden will know of my ridiculous crush.
Dr. Girardo shifts forward. “By law, I can’t disclose what we talk about unless you give me permission to consult with Dr. James.”
The groan falls from my lips.
“No, I know that you and Holden are working for the same goal, but if you could maybe leave this part out of your official notes, that would be great.”
“You have feelings for Spencer,” he guesses.
“Since I was thirteen.”
“Are they reciprocated?”
“God no!” I explode. “He doesn’t even know. Well, I’m sure he knows. I think everyone knows, but they all let me have the illusion of my secret.”
