Page 41 of Help Me Remember
“I promise, I will tell you if it’s too much.”
“Like you did just now?” he counters.
“Okay, you got me. I promise to do it going forward. I honestly was fine though. It’s just all the talk of people leaving. It sometimes feels as though the world is going forward and I’m in reverse.”
“I felt like that when the guys all went to college and I took the first semester off so I could go look for my mother. Everyone was a step ahead. They were talking about dorm rooms and classes while I was going through shelters and looking for her in the morgue.”
“I’m sorry you never found her.”
Spencer looks away. “I did, but it was about a year ago.”
Oh no. “Spencer . . . I’m so . . .”
“Don’t be sorry. Trust me, based on what I saw, it was better that way.”
“How did you handle it?” I ask and then hate myself. How do I think he handled it? Regardless of the fact that she was a horrible mother, he still loved her. “That was insensitive and stupid. I’m sorry for your loss, Spencer. Truly. I hated when people said that to me, but I get it now.”
“What?”
“That saying. I’m sorry because I can’t heal your heart. I’m sorry that you’re hurting and I can’t make it go away. People said it after my dad died, and it took until I lost Isaac to really get what they were saying. So, I’m sorry for your loss, and I am sorry that it hurt.”
“It did hurt for a bit, but then I remembered that we all have the same ending. No matter what roads we take, there is only one outcome. Our journey is what makes life worth a damn. My mother made her choices and I did as well. Her death really caused me to reevaluate my life. I stopped caring about the things I wasn’t doing and put my energy into what I was doing.” The muscles in my chest grow tighter as his voice drops lower. “I made the choice to give everything to what matters, no more half-measures. It’s all or nothing. That’s how we go forward.”
I look down at my feet and see a puddle on the ground. “Shit!”
“What?” Spencer’s gaze drops to the leaking garbage bag before he shifts it out into the hallway instead of the doorway.
I rush into the kitchen, looking for paper towels or a rag, but don’t see anything. I start opening cabinets and drawers until I finally find a few dish towels. When I grab a handful of them, something falls out onto the floor, but I ignore it and rush back to Spencer.
“I need to wash my hands,” he says once the mess is mopped up.
We go back in the kitchen and take turns doing that. Then I remember the object that flew out. I look around and see a black box in the corner. I grab it, wondering why the hell a jewelry box was in my kitchen drawer.
Spencer looks over. “What is that?”
“I don’t know. It was in my drawer, and when I grabbed the rags, it flew out.” I slowly lift the lid, and when I see what is inside, my heart drops. My eyes lock on his, and a million questions swirl, but only one comes out. “Why do I have an engagement ring in my kitchen and who gave it to me?”
ChapterTen
SPENCER
She found it.
Shit.
She found the ring.
I hid it there in a panic, knowing she doesn’t typically go into the kitchen for anything. I could’ve taken it home. I could’ve placed it in the drawer next to my bed, but I needed for it to be in her possession, even if she didn’t know it existed.
I wait for a beat, praying she remembers, but from the panic in her eyes, I know she doesn’t. Once again, I have to pretend that I’m just as clueless as she is and pray that something will remind her of all we are and what we’ve shared.
“I don’t know,” I say, willing her to look at me and see. To recall the tears that flowed from those blue eyes as she smiled and nodded, unable to form words.
But Brielle has forgotten everything, and I’m here, praying that even if she doesn’t ever remember our past, she’ll fall in love with me again.
“I am . . . engaged?”
“Well, you have a ring, but I don’t know if you’re engaged.”
