Dear Lord.
I force myself to smile. “You’re not at all.”
“Henry,” Spencer says cordially, but there is an undertone of something brittle in his voice.
“Spencer, it’s nice seeing you under better circumstances.”
Spencer’s brow raises. “Brielle’s brother being killed and her having memory loss is a better circumstance?”
“I didn’t mean it that way.” Henry’s voice is light. “I meant that the last time—”
Spencer turns to me. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m better now.” I’d be much better if they’d explain the tension between them, which they won’t. “Did you hear about Addy?” I ask.
“Yes, I just left there. She said to tell you she’ll be here to see you a bit later today.”
Addison hasn’t come by since the day I woke up. She’s been so busy with getting things in order and handling the funeral arrangements.
“She’s really going to leave?”
“I think she just needs to breathe, and we all know the impossibility of that in this town.”
“I’ll miss her,” I say honestly.
“And she’ll miss you. She’s trying to understand a world where Isaac doesn’t exist.”
I look to Henry, trying to imagine what that would be for me. We have been dating for a long time, but there were a few times I’d considered breaking this off with him. Clearly, I didn’t go through with it.
“I wish I could do something to give her peace.”
“I’m sure you living and getting a second chance is all she needs,” Henry says.
Spencer’s eyes narrow. “A second chance for what?”
“Life,” Henry answers. “She’s alive and can . . .”
“Can what?” I ask.
“You get to decide if what you want now is what you had in your past. What if things can be different, Brie? What ifwecan be different?”
I look at him as my stomach slowly sinks. “What was wrong with us?”
“Nothing. Everything. I’m just wondering if maybe your memory blocked out a part of your life for a reason. Maybe whatever happened three years ago was painful and you regret it so much you wanted to forget it.”
Spencer scoffs. “That’s not how it works. She’s not blocking out an event. She has a TBI, and her brain is dealing with a trauma.”
“But what if he’s right?” I ask. “What if I’m remembering up until that part of my life because that’s where it all went wrong?” While the medical reasons may not be that, what if it is? What if I fucked up when I took a job here, and this is the chance to fix it?
I look to Spencer. “You told me to go back to the beginning. What if that’s what I’m doing?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. If it is the beginning, you have to ask yourself what is the catalyst to it?”
Exactly. I remembered college. I remembered moving here. I remembered fighting with Henry about taking this job and not being with him. I remembered being excited to start something new. So, is it because I should’ve left him, or that I should’ve moved to Portland, and that’s what this is?
This is so frustrating.
“Well, I need to know. I need to go back to whatever that painful part is and push through so that I can help find my brother’s killer and whoever wanted to kill me.”