Page 134 of Help Me Remember
I tell Spencer the story and he laughs. “It’s your own code.”
“It could’ve been.”
“I wish we would’ve done that with Isaac. Tell him we were together in code so he would have known all along,” Spencer notes.
I place it back down and reach for his hand. “I keep thinking he had to know. Isaac was too smart.”
“If he did, he never let on.”
“I remember being so worried about him right before I was hit on the head.”
“Do you want to talk about what happened?”
Sinking onto the cool grass, I touch the dirt and relay my memory. It’s harder this time than when I did this with Emmett. To tell Spencer the things that were said and see Isaac’s face so clearly again, while knowing he’s right here with me, is almost impossible. Tears flow down my cheeks as I express the fear that I had for not only myself but also for Isaac.
“I knew he’d protect me. Even then, as I was begging him not to.”
“Of course, he would. Isaac didn’t know how to run from anything, and he wouldn’t have started by running from the guy threatening his sister.”
I meet Spencer’s eyes. “And look what that cost him. Was it worth having Elodie grow up without the love of the most amazing father she could’ve had? What about Addison who lost her husband?”
“And you don’t think you were worth it?” Spencer asks. “What would I have done, Brie? Living in a world where I could never touch you again?” His fingers wipe away a tear. “What would any of us have done? Neither of you deserved what the guy did, but your brother could never have lived with himself if he hadn’t done something.”
Maybe that’s the truth, but I don’t have a child who will suffer. Elodie is what my heart aches for more than anything.
“I just wish it all went differently,” I say, making a pattern in the dirt as I stare at his name. “I would’ve told you, Isaac. We should never have kept this from you. I am so deeply sorry that I didn’t trust you, and that we didn’t trust us.” Spencer’s hand squeezes my shoulder. “I’m going to have this one-sided conversation and hope that, at the end, there’s some kind of sign you can send me. Spencer and I are together. We have been for a while—almost a year. We kept it from you and know that you probably feel betrayed by this, and I am so sorry for that. It wasn’t our intention to hurt you by keeping this a secret. Honestly, we just needed time for ourselves without being judged or having other people weigh in. Then we fell in love. Deeply in love. The way you look at Addison is how Spencer looks at me.”
When I turn my face to him, he leans in, pressing his lips to my temple. My words are coming out broken as my emotions become too much.
Spencer’s deep voice takes over. “I would do anything for her, and I want you to know that I will always be good to her. I will protect her. I will be there for her. I will never betray her or do anything you’d kick my ass for. You have always had more faith in me than I did in myself, and that’s why I am able to promise this.”
I pull myself together. “I love you, Isaac. I hope you can be happy for us and forgive us for not telling you.”
“He wouldn’t hold it against us”—Spencer looks down at the grave—“for that long, at least.”
I smile, imagining that he would’ve been pissed, but then he would’ve come around and been okay with it. “I think he would’ve loved seeing us both happy.”
“I agree.”
We stand, his arms wrapped around me from behind, and I let a few more tears fall. I tell my brother I miss him again and ask for forgiveness.
Spencer’s phone vibrates, and he releases me. “It’s Quinn.”
“Go ahead. I’ll stay here,” I inform him.
“Don’t move.”
“I won’t.”
I turn back to the makeshift memorial to Isaac, looking at a stuffed football and a copy of a letter from a college, but the swan keeps tugging at my attention. I lean down and pick it up, noting the small folds on the wings that I taught the kids to do. Carefully, I unfold it, and there, in the center of the page, is a note:
Please, help. He will kill us if you don’t come alone.
Myles
At the bottom of the paper is an address. It’s for a hotel in Portland.
Spencer returns, walking toward me quickly. “His lead went dead. He’s heading back here and wants us to stay at your apartment.”
