Page 120 of Help Me Remember
“Brielle, I debated on doing this. I wasn’t going to call you. I hear you loud and clear. You don’t trust me, and you need space. I won’t beg you to come back. I wanted to let you know a few things. First, I paid your security team in full for the next six months, so you don’t have to worry about being in danger. I hope they give you peace of mind. Second, I have been working these last two days, trying to give you something else, something I think you need, but I am leaving Rose Canyon . . . well, now. I don’t know how long it’ll take me to track down the information I need, but I want you to know that I am sorry that I lied to you. I’m sorry I hurt you.
“Most of all, I love you, Brielle. I love you so much that I wanted to die when I thought I lost you. When Emmett called and told me about Isaac, I thought I knew pain. But then he told me that you suffered a head injury and they didn’t know if you were going to make it, and I was more afraid than I thought even possible. As I drove to the hospital, desperate to see you, I begged for God to save you. I bartered my own heart and life in exchange for yours.
“I wanted to tell everyone about us then. I just didn’t want to do that to you, so I kept quiet. When you woke up and asked for Henry, my heart was ripped from my chest. I got you back, but you didn’t know us. You didn’t remember our first date or first kiss or when I proposed. I spent my entire life searching for something worth fighting for, and you were in front of me the whole time. You saved me, Brielle, even if you don’t remember doing it. You said I was drowning you, and that is the absolute last thing I want. So, this is me giving you air. I just wanted you to know that, even though I’m gone, everything I am doing is for you. I will always love you. Always.”
The voice mail ends, and I clutch the phone to my chest, crying harder. He’s leaving Rose Canyon, and I have no idea if I’ll ever get him back.
I close my eyes, and like lightning, a memory hits me so hard that, if I weren’t already lying down, I would be on my back.
“I love you,” Spencer says as we eat dinner on the floor of my apartment.
Out of nowhere.
No forewarning. Not even a hint that it was coming.
I nearly choke on my Lo Mein as I say, “What?”
“I love you.”
I place the chopsticks down carefully, swallow, and try again. “You love me?”
“I do. A lot, actually. I love you more than I even knew you could love someone.”
I wonder if someone can go into shock from a declaration of love. Because, if so, I’m pretty sure that’s what’s happening.
Not that I don’t think he means it. It’s been six months and he has been pushing harder for us to become a couple, a real one that goes on real dates and doesn’t sneak around as though we are doing something wrong.
Which we aren’t.
But I like this. I like the intimacy of it. I like no one knowing or caring what we are doing. I like having Spencer all to myself.
He leans in, tucking my hair behind my ear. “Say something, Brielle.”
Right. I need to . . . speak.
“You know I love you.”
“I do.”
I smile. “Good.”
Spencer laughs. “Good.”
Something starts to niggle at the back of my mind. A curiousness that isn’t mine to have but is there regardless. “How many women have you said that to?” I ask, hoping he will answer just as much as I hope he doesn’t.
It isn’t my business. I have loved one other man in my life, but what I felt for Henry doesn’t hold a candle to my love for Spencer. With him, I have no fear. He knows me, loves me, and accepts me—flaws and all.
“None.”
I drop the chopstick again. “None?”
“I have never loved a woman before you. I have never allowed myself to love another because no one was worth that level of trust. But you are. You are worth it all, and I love you, Brielle Davis. I love you, and God help me because you are a handful.”
Spencer is thirty-eight years old. He has dated legions of women, and I am absolutely speechless. How could he have never loved anyone else? But the one thing Spencer and I don’t do is lie. We built our entire relationship on that foundation, and if he tells me he’s never loved anyone else, then it’s true.
And I feel bad for every woman who had this man and never found out what it feels like to be loved by him. Because . . . it’s magnificent.
I push the food to the side, crawl over to him, and then take his beautiful face in my hands. “I have loved you since before I knew what love was. I have dreamed of you since I knew what dreams were. You are the air I breathe. The beat of my heart. I love you so much that even the idea of losing this is too much for me to think about.”
