Page 84 of A Chance for Us
I do too. I just won’t allow myself to hope.
Me: We know what this is. It’s only odd because we both have . . . you know.
Devney: Seen his penis?
I start laughing.
Me: That.
Devney: Well, at least it’s a good one, and I’m not sending you apologies.
Me: Oh dear God. I’m going to dinner now. I’ll be home tomorrow, so we can catch up then. I need to see if I have to murder my boss and find a divorce attorney or if I can tell Oliver we’re all good.
Devney: Good luck and have fun tonight.
I put the phone in my purse and stand, feeling like a newborn calf that hasn’t found its legs yet. I teeter and then right myself as I head downstairs.
Ollie is standing by the windows, looking out at the ocean that’s invisible in the inky darkness. His broad shoulders, which carry everyone’s burdens, are covered in a navy-blue suit. His dark brown hair is slicked back as if he ran his hands through it and it stayed. I lean against the wall, looking at him, wondering what my life is going to be like once I no longer see him like this.
Will we be friends?
Will we talk?
Will he come to my father’s funeral? My mother’s farm?
Do I need him?
He turns. His blue eyes go a little wide before he grins. “You look stunning.”
“You do as well.”
Oliver walks to me and brushes a piece of hair off my face. “Our first last date.”
My heart flutters at the date part, but then I register he said last. I force a smile, hoping it appears real enough. “It is.”
“Kind of crazy our first date was our wedding.”
I laugh. “Well, maybe the rehearsal.”
“That’s true.” Oliver looks away and then back to me. “I’ve had a great time with you. Not the sex, well, notonlythe sex. It’s been more than I ever thought it could be. In another time . . . maybe we could’ve . . .”
Tell him, Maren. Tell him how you feel. Tell him it doesn’t have to be the last date. Tell him you want to go on another date.
I don’t tell him because what I hear next in my head is a reminder of another rejection that would come my way.
“I’m glad that we both feel the same,” I say. “If we had felt this way in college, who knows, but now we have our lives and priorities.”
His lips mash together, and he nods. “And, tomorrow, we’ll return to them. But tonight, let’s forget they exist.”
I adjust his tie, mostly because I just can’t look at him. I’m not strong enough to gaze into his eyes and keep this part of the lie. My heart is calling out to him when there’s no chance for us.
We are only meant to be this.
“I like that plan.”
“I hoped you would, being the planner you are.”
I nod, not trusting my voice, and let him take my hand and lead me outside. Oliver opens my car door and then climbs in next to me.
