Page 117 of A Chance for Us
“I have, but . . . I’m so stressed, and there’s just so much . . .”
“You don’t have to explain it, I get it. My head has been such a mess. I keep saying I’m going to snap if I get just one more bad thing.”
“What do you mean?” Oliver asks.
“We had some issues with a mission this week. I was so overwhelmed, and I kept wishing I could talk to my dad. I wanted to call him, but I can’t anymore, you know? I’m alone.”
Oliver’s hand moves up and down my spine. “You’re not alone.”
“I have you. I know I do, but we’re so far apart.”
“We knew this would be hard.”
“It’s been two weeks, and I want to scream,” I say with a smile. I’m only half joking. I have wanted to get in my car and go to him so many times.
He makes me happy and safe. “You make it so that I don’t think of cancer and death and sadness. In your arms, I’m okay.”
Oliver shifts and then closes his eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Long drive, and I’m already dreading leaving.”
“Then no more talking about leaving and sadness. Tonight, we have pizza, and tomorrow, we’ll go exploring. I want to take you to my favorite places, and Mark would love to see you.”
Oliver hugs me tighter. “No sad for tonight.”
I lie back down, closing my eyes as I, once again, settle into the steady beat of his heart. “Just us.”
“Just us.”
Thirty
OLIVER
All weekend I’ve had ample opportunities to tell her. On the ride down, I promised I would when I got here, but I couldn’t, not after what she said while we were curled up on the swing.
Now, I leave in the morning, and I’ve yet to find a way to say it.
I have cancer.
I have cancer. It’s not going to kill me, but I have it and I’m going to be okay.
Maren looks up from her plate and smiles.
Say it. Just tell her.
“The food is good, right?”
I haven’t tasted a damn thing. I nod. “Definitely.”
She went through a lot of trouble to make this weekend fun and light, but there’s darkness hovering over me.
The next few months are going to suck, and I’m not going to be able to come here. I’m going to be sick and dealing with treatments. While it’s beatable, Dr. Dowdle was clear that I will still have a few months of hell.
I thought I could just go through it without Maren knowing, but that’s not right. I don’t want to keep this from her or lie and make excuses as to why we can’t see each other.
No, I have to be honest and trust that we’ll figure it out. From everything I know about her, I can’t see her walking away.
