Page 105 of A Chance for Us
She pushes out of my grasp as her tears fall. “It doesn’t matter. He was so happy just a few weeks ago, and now . . . now he can’t open his eyes. What if I made it worse for him? The wedding . . . it took too much.”
“Maren,” I say, holding her shoulders. “That made him happy. He told you that. He needed that. You didn’t lie to him to get away with something or gain in any way. What you did was selfless, and he loves you for giving him that gift.”
Another tear falls. “I sat there, alone in that room, debating if I should tell him, but I couldn’t. I was so afraid they would be the last words he heard from me.”
“Oh, baby,” I say, wiping the tear. “Your father knows exactly how you feel about him, and I’ve never seen a parent love their child the way he loves you. You didn’t rob him of anything.”
Her arms are locked tight around me, and I do nothing but hold her. I’m not sure what else I can do but offer her whatever comfort I can. There’s a deep ache in my chest as I feel her tremble against me, making me wish I could do anything to take it from her. I would carry her burden if I could.
Eileen enters the living room, her watery eyes meet mine, and she approaches. “He’s fighting to hold on.”
Maren releases me and looks to her aunt. “Linda won’t tell him it’s okay.”
“It’s hard to do, but he needs to let go.”
They cry soundlessly, and slowly, more people trickle back into the living room after having said their final goodbyes.
Maren looks to me. “I know it’s a lot to ask, but I don’t want to be alone. Will you come in with me?”
My comfort doesn’t matter. She could ask me for anything and I wouldn’t hesitate. “Whatever you need from me.”
We walk into the room, and it’s impossible not to feel the difference in energy. It’s darker, colder, and the air feels heavy.
“He doesn’t want to leave me,” Linda says from her spot at the head of the bed. “It’s why he’s still fighting.”
Maren goes to her stepmother’s side and takes her father’s hand. “He’s tired, Linda. We have to let him go.”
She shakes her head. “I can’t.”
Maren’s chin wobbles as she stares down at her father. “He loved with his whole heart. He gave without question. He deserves to have peace.”
His daughter, the girl who loves her father enough to do the most outrageous thing to make him happy, is being so strong. My heart breaks for her as she grapples with letting go of someone she doesn’t want to. For the love of him, she’ll let go so he can be without pain.
If that’s not unconditional love, I don’t know what is.
“Daddy.” Maren’s voice cracks. “You have been my rock in this world and I am going to miss you so much. Know that you have been the best father any girl could ever ask for, but it’s time. It’s time to be with Grandpa. Go see Nana and ask her to make you some tea, but make sure she hides the sugar lumps because you’re only allowed one. Go to heaven where there’s no pain and you can breathe again.” Maren sniffs and drops to her knees, still holding his hand. “Tell Mommy I love her. Tell her all about me and how much I wish she could’ve seen me grow. I’ll be here, Daddy, making you proud, and I’m sorry if I ever gave you a reason not to be.” She stands, leans over and kisses his forehead. “I love you. I love you so much.”
She looks to me, her tears a constant stream down her face.
Linda clears her throat. “I don’t know how to live without you, Patrick, but I’m going to have to learn.” Maren gets up, putting her father’s hand in both of Linda’s. “I have loved you more than I ever knew I could. It’s okay, Patrick. I’ll see you soon, my love. Wait for me in Heaven.”
Maren makes her way over to me and I wrap my arms around her. The room is silent, save for the slow breaths that Patrick takes. Linda stays at her husband’s side, and even though she’s not very kind to my wife, it’s clear she loves her husband very much. I can’t help but wonder if Maren will still be at my side when it’s my time to go.
Is that what I want?
I’ve fought against the idea of it.
But standing here now, holding Maren, I know I have enough hope to dream of it.
Not the dying part, but the love.
I could love her so easily. I can see a future where we’re happy and live the lives my brothers and Stella are currently living. Kids, happiness, love, and family matter, but how can I trust this?
I’m not sure I can. I’ve allowed myself to think this was possible before—twice. Both times ended with me being a fool who walked away to make them happy. I don’t want to walk away this time.
I want her to stand here and want me. Not because it’s easy but because she can’t imagine her life without me.
The fear of losing her grips me so tightly that it’s hard to breathe.
