Page 140 of A Moment for Us
“You were scared.”
“More than that, man, I was terrified.”
“Fear is normal in love. Look at me and Grayson. We were afraid for a long time, but we chose not to live it anymore. I don’t know if the fear will ever totally go away, but I know I’d rather be afraid loving her than without her.”
It’s as though he took the words straight from my heart. “I don’t want to live without her.”
“Then you have ten minutes to figure out what you need to do to fix it. Otherwise, I really will hit you over the head with the bottle.”
“I have to go.”
Jack gets up and smirks. “Me too, brother.”
As soon as he’s gone, I get to work. I don’t need ten minutes to figure it out. I know that I need to grovel, beg, and refuse to give up. I quit on her, and I deserve to stand outside her door for days if that’s what she requires. Whatever it takes to prove to her that I do choose her.
On the ride to her house, I start to make a plan, not a good one, but it’s at least a start. First thing is to get her to talk to me. Since it’s been radio silence since I left, that may be a bigger obstacle than I think.
After I get her to talk to me, I have to convince her that I’m worthy again.
When I get to her door, nerves hit me, but I focus on my goal—prove I love her. Show her that she’s all that matters and I’ll do anything. Life without Delia isn’t worth living.
I ring the doorbell, but instead of opening it, her voice comes through. “What do you want, Josh?”
Maybe installing the additional cameras and stuff wasn’t a great idea. Still, this is going to be opening myself bare to her. The answer to her question is simple. “You.”
She sighs. “I’m tired, and I have to work tomorrow. Please just give me time to get over this.”
“I don’t want you to get over this,” I tell her, my hands braced on each side of the doorbell thing. “I want us. I want you. I want it all.”
“You had it.”
“And I threw it away.”
“Yeah, you kinda did,” Delia says, and I wish I could see her.
“Please let me talk.”
I’m not really sure what the hell to say, but I want to look into her brown eyes and gauge something.
“Talk. I’m listening.”
“Deals—”
“No, if you want to talk, then you can do it through the camera because I’ve learned that I’m weak when it comes to you. I let myself hear only what I want because it’s so much better that way. Joshua Parkerson finally in love with the ugly duckling that was Delia Andrews.” She laughs. “What a crock of shit that was. I’ve been so blinded by love that I’ve ignored the signs.”
“What signs?” I ask.
“The one that said you never wanted this or me. You wanted sex, and you got that. I wanted your fucking heart, and I never got it, even when you told me it was mine. I got this sliver, and I convinced myself it was good enough, but it wasn’t. I should’ve had it all.”
“You do,” I tell her, hating that she feels that way. “You are the only woman who has ever had it.”
“Don’t lie to me, Josh.”
I have to do something quickly before she decides to stop talking.
“I’m not.”
“I have been telling myself that, if I just gave you time, you’d come around. I bargained that you weren’t just here for the babies. It was me too that you wanted.”
