Page 135 of A Moment for Us
“If you go, that’s it. I’m not going to do this, and I told you that when I got pregnant. I can do this on my own, but you chose to love me. You wanted us to be a family. There’s no way I can do it this way.”
“You’re giving me an ultimatum?”
“No, I’m giving you a choice.” I soften my voice. “I’m giving you the option to choose me, Josh. To love me. To love the risks, the rewards, the possibilities, and the failures we’ll endure. Nothing in life is perfect. Loss is inevitable, but I’m right here. I’m sad and hate that we lost our daughter, but we still have hope.”
Josh goes to move forward but stops himself. “Hope for what?”
I always knew this would be the end in some way. That he wouldn’t choose me. He’d walk away. The only reason we are even together now is because I got pregnant. Without the babies, there would never be an us. I’m not sure how I didn’t see it sooner.
“Hope for our son! Hope for the life we were building. Hope for anything more than the shell of a fucking man you were before. I wanted us to be happy.”
“I did too, but how the hell can we be? How can I love you when I know the ending?”
This time, I’m the one who pulls back, erecting a wall around my already decimated heart. “You created the ending. It didn’t have to be this way. If you really believe that loving me is going to cause pain, then you should go. Not because I want you to but because I love you enough not to want that life for you. So, you choose, Josh.”
He looks at me, his pain written all over his face. It all clears, and I have a sliver of hope that the decision he made is the right one, but he turns, his hand gripping the edge of the entryway table for just a second before he’s reaching for me. Before he’s kissing me. I close my eyes, the joy bubbling up that this isn’t the end.
Tears this time aren’t sadness as they move down my cheeks.
He pulls back, blue eyes staring down at me. “I’m sorry.”
I blink, confusion now taking hold of me. “What?”
Josh grabs his keys from the table and walks to the door. “I’m sorry that I’m not the man you need.”
The door clicks closed, and I feel a whole new ache in my chest as I hear his car’s engine fade away in the distance.
Chapter 40
Delia
Ikeep trying to cry. I wait for the tears to come, but they don’t.
It’s funny how that happens. When I wanted to stop feeling sad, I couldn’t make that happen, and now, I would give anything not to be drowning in this hollow numbness.
“I’ll kill him,” Jessica says, taking a seat on the couch across from me.
I didn’t call her, but she just appeared. I’m assuming Grayson told her. Whatever.
“It’s not like I didn’t expect this.”
“You expected the man you love to walk out?”
I shrug. “Maybe. He’s broken, and I can’t do anything about that.”
“I’m going to break him.”
“I don’t think you could do much damage.” I pull the blanket over me. I’m cold. I wonder if it’s normal to be this cold.
“Probably not, but it would make me feel better.”
“Thanks, Jess.”
“I’m sorry. I really am. I thought he had changed, and . . . I don’t know.”
I did too. I let myself believe that he really loved me. That we could finally be a couple and build a life together. I was naïve and should’ve guarded myself better. I rub my stomach, feeling the baby moving inside me. It’s him I’m sorry for. Our son who could’ve had a loving family with two parents. Not that there’s anything wrong with non-traditional, but I wanted at least a chance at that.
“You know what the worst part is?” I ask absently.
