Page 96 of You Loved Me Once
“We knew each other years ago, but listen to me,” I grab his hand. “Nothing happened.”
I’m not going to tell him about the kiss because it’s irrelevant. That wasn’t Bryce kissing me because he loves me, it was him searching for comfort. It wasn’t sexual, and at this point, it’s only going to make matters worse.
Westin’s eyes narrow and he pulls his hand back. “I thought we were on the same page. I thought we were building a life together. I fucking love you and you do this!”
“We are! We are building a life. It’s you I want. It’s you I choose, Westin! It’s you I love!”
He scoffs and moves around the room. “You don’t know what love is!”
“Don’t,” I beg. “Please don’t.”
Don’t leave.
Don’t say that.
Don’t give up on me.
“Fuck this. You want to screw your life up, fine.” Westin jerks the drawer open and removes his things. My chest is aching with each item he removes. “I’m not going to let you take me down with you. I tried for years and I thought you were changing.”
“What are you doing? You’re leaving?” I start to panic. “Please, believe me, I didn’t do anything like that. He just lost his wife and he’s alone.”
“You’re fucking your dead patient’s husband!” he screams at me.
He has it all wrong.
“I never slept with anyone! Stop!” I grab the shirt from his hand to stop him, but he rips it from my grasp. “Westin!”
“No, I can’t believe you. I came here thinking there had to be a mistake because the Serenity I’m in love with wouldn’t do something so fucking stupid, she wouldn’t, but then it was all there, right in my face, but I wouldn’t believe it.”
My head is spinning, trying to figure out what led him to assume I slept with anyone. “You’re not making sense!”
“Look at the fucking file.” He rolls his eyes.
I move over there, and it clicks. Allison Brown’s file sits on my bed. He put the pieces together, but they’re the wrong ones if he’s concluded that I cheated on him. I did something worse.
“I didn’t sleep with anyone.” I move in front of him. “Stop, damn it!” He tries to shift around me, but I can’t lose him too. I can’t handle it. I need him. “Please, just talk to me, please let me explain!”
“Explain?” he rages. “Explain what? That you have some kind of relationship with your patient’s husband! The same patient that died in your surgery? Not to mention, whatever the hell you did to the medications. I haven’t figured that part out, but Iwill. You know...” His jaw is tight and hands shake. “I thought something was up, but I was trusting. Then, when he called you Ren, I knew it. The way he looked at you, the way you were so broken. Was I just some game to you?”
I stand in front of him, his hot breath blows on my face, and I start to cry again. How many more tears do I have inside of me? “No! God, no.”
“You used me to cover up whatever it was that was happening, didn’t you?”
“Westin, please,” I sob. “Stop. It’s not like that. I dated Bryce when I was in college, but I haven’t done anything inappropriate with him. I hadn’t even seen him until he showed up at the hospital with his wife.”
“Do you know how much I wish that were true?” There is defeat laced in each word. “But coupled with the damning evidence that is in that file, I don’t believe a word that you’re saying.”
Even if that’s the case, I’m not stopping now. If he wants to crucify me then it’s going to be for the real crime. I never betrayed him. I’ll lose him tonight, but at least he’ll know it all and if he walks away, I won’t blame him.
“There was nothing between him and me. Yes, I was in love with him for a long time. His wife was selected for my trial, and I tried to walk away. I knew that it was a mistake to treat her, but he begged me to help her. So, against my better judgment, I decided to keep her on,” I sniff and wipe my tears. “If I hadn’t, the trial would’ve been stopped because I lost that first patient.”
He shakes his head. “I don’t want to hear any more of this.”
I push against his chest, my heart racing, desperate to get the rest out. “Bryce figured out that Allison was given the placebo. He saw it in my eyes or something. The day you saw us outside the bar, he confronted me, begged me to change the medication, but I said no. I wouldn’t do it because of everything it would mean.” Westin looks down at me with disappointment, but I continue on. “Did you see the letter in her file?” I ask.
“The one stating her wishes about treatment?”
I nod. Good, maybe now he’ll grasp the gravity of what I was facing. “Yes. That night, I got the call that Mrs. Whitley was dying and I lost her. I was out of my mind, I know this, Wes. I know I was wrong and stupid and everything else, but after that, I saw Allison. She was happy, in love, smiling, and I knew I had to give her the best medical care possible. I knew that her having the placebo wasn’t giving her that care. She was going to die if I didn’t...she would let herself die just for a chance at the life she was desperate for. When I looked at them, at Allison and her husband, I saw my father and mother cuddled up on that bed, and I snapped.”
