Page 45 of You Loved Me Once
My heart starts to race as he moves back to this topic. I knew it was coming, but I don’t know what I’ll say if he pushes. There’s a part of me that’s ready to move on with my life and another part that’s definitely not.
I’m terrified to love anyone else. In my experience, the people I love leave or die. They let me go, and I don’t want to think about it right now. I want to enjoy this little slice of heaven that Westin has given me.
“Let’s not talk about it tonight. Please.” I close my eyes. “I’ve had the best day with you and I don’t want to ruin it.”
“I’m not saying I want us to get married or any of that shit, but I want—” I place my fingertips on his lips to stop him.
“Tomorrow we can talk about it. But I want to enjoy tonight with no heavy stuff.”
He pulls his jacket around us both with his chin on top of my head. “One day you’re going to have to give in and move on.”
I inhale his clean scent, rubbing my ice-cold nose against his chest. “Why do we have to change things?”
Westin pulls back, takes my face in his hands, and sighs. “Because I watch people die every day. I see regret in their eyes and I don’t want that with us. It’s been two years, and I’ve been a patient man. You’ve got issues with love, and I get that, but I’m nothim, Serenity. I’m not the guy that fucked your head up. I’ve been the guy who held you when you cried, supported you, and if you don’t see that we’re more than fuck buddies...I don’t know what else to say.”
My stomach sinks as the truth in his words sink in. I open my mouth to speak, but Westin silences me before I can say a word. His lips press against mine and he kisses me with so much passion my head spins.
I hold his wrists as his tongue enters my mouth, sliding against my tongue and stealing my breath.
He pulls back and I pant. “Westin, I want . . .”
“What do you want?”
You. Us. This. I think. But fear holds me back and I hate myself for it. “I want us to try, but I’m afraid.”
He pulls me back to his chest, forcing me to look up at him with so much warmth in his eyes I could cry. “I’m a desirable doctor that many women would like to date.”
There is no doubt about that. “I know.”
“I can’t waste time if you’re never going to come around.”
“I’m not saying never. I’m not even saying I haven’t now.”
Westin’s phone dings and he grins looking down at the text.
“What?” I ask.
“Nothing.”
“Everything okay?”
He shrugs. “Yeah, it was one of the nurses letting me know something.”
Something Julie asked me floats around in my head, sending a jolt of jealousy through me. What if Westin is seeing someone else? As of right now, I don’t have a right to care. I was deluding myself before to think I really wouldn’t be upset.
A violin starts to play “Radioactive” and we both start to dance a little. Here wrapped up in each other’s arms, in the middle of the park, the two of us sway to the music.
This song is fitting—most days I feel radioactive. As if I’m a dangerous chemical that’s ready to blow at any point, poisoning those around me.
The song shifts after about thirty seconds, where suddenly drums, a guitar, and a keyboard start playing the next song, which is a much more upbeat melody.
Our arms fall, as we both look around to see a hoard of dancers moving in, and they’re all synchronized.
“Holy shit!” I look around as the batches of flash mob dancers head into the center joining in. “It’s a flash mob! I’ve never seen one and I’ve always wanted to.”
“I knew you were upset that you missed the one in the hospital.” He leans down, kisses my cheek, and heads into the mob, leaving me stunned.
The music is loud, phones are in the air, and Westin is out there, dancing in perfect time with them. The song changes again, but he doesn’t miss a beat. I can’t believe this. How did I not know Westin dances in a flash mob? My smile is so wide, it’s hurting my face, but I can’t take my eyes off him. He continues through two more songs before it ends. The crowd around me starts to clap and everyone starts to disperse.
