Page 43 of You Loved Me Once
Westin must see the hesitation, because he doesn’t allow me the time to let it grow. Within a second, his lips fuse to mine. The force of the kiss knocks me off my feet and he slams my back into the wall. His body molds to mine and I’m completely lost to him.
My tongue slides against his, feeling the dominance radiating from him. I moan into his mouth as his hands roam my body. Westin knows how to please me. He moves his fingers down to my core, pressing in exactly the right spot.
I would much rather get undressed right now than go wherever he’s planning to take me.
“Westin,” I groan. “Bed. Now.”
He moves his lips to my neck, kissing his way back to my lips. “Not until we go on our date.”
That’s not fair. I want Westin to do what Westin and I do best and then we can think about the date. I want to forget and he is the one thing that makes the chaos that riots inside of me calm.
I pout and he chuckles. “Not fair.”
“Neither are the games you’ve been playing.”
“I’m not playing games. I’ve been honest from day one that I’m not a relationship girl. I like what we have. I started to think I wanted more, but now I don’t know anymore...what if we don’t work out? We would have to work together, see each other daily. I’m scared, Wes. I’m scared of letting you in and then messing up what we have.”
I make myself stop talking, becauseIam a mess. I’m frustrating, unsure, insecure, and all of that has become clear in the last few days. I have spent the last fourteen years hardening myself to being vulnerable to a man. My work, my family, and my focus have allowed me to survive that way. The fear of opening myself to being hurt again leaves me restless.
He pushes back a little, and his nose flares but his voice stays even. “I know, but I’m asking for one date. One chance to see what it could be like if you let your guard down and open your eyes to what we have. Not this half in and half out shit you’ve been doing. We’re both mature adults. We can handle working together if it fails. We can be friends if this ends, but God, Ren, can you handle walking away?”
Doubt plagues me and I wonder if I’ll regret this moment for the rest of my life. If I say yes, am I giving him hope that doesn’t exist? If I say no, am I willing to lose what I do have with him?
Julie would punch me in the face if she was here.
“No, I can’t, but don’t...”
“Don’t say another word, just get dressed and meet me in the living room,” he kisses my lips and walks away.
Damn it. I guess we’re going on our first real date.
Westin takes me to the movies, which I haven’t done in—forever. I seriously think college was the last time I’ve gone to see a movie.
“What are we seeing?” I ask as we get to the cashier.
“You’ll have to wait.” Westin’s arm wraps around my shoulders and my hand rests on his chest. To anyone who walked by, we’d look like a couple, and for right now, we are. It feels...nice. There’s no baggage or pretending when I’m with him. I can laugh, be weird, and I don’t have to impress Westin. He’s been around long enough to know my quirks.
He gets two tickets to a horror film and I’m slightly giddy.
Westin buys popcorn, a huge soda, Reese’s Pieces, Starburst, and Whoppers.
“Who is eating all of that?” I ask as he hands me the popcorn.
“We are. We’re going to eat shit food, watch a movie, and pretend for a few hours that our lives aren’t serious all the time.”
I nod once. “Okay then. I can get with this.”
We get to our seats and I sink in, ready for the movie. I’m suddenly overcome with gratitude and regret for being so stupid these last few years. Westin is real, he’s here, and he cares about me.
Comparing what we have to what I had with anyone else isn’t fair. In all honesty, I’m dumb for wanting what I had before. Bryce broke me just as much as he claims I broke him when we lost each other. I don’t want to endure that again.
My hand covers Westin’s, wanting to have some kind of physical connection. His eyes meet mine and my heart begins to race a little. “Thank you for this, Wes.”
“You’re welcome. Today has been long overdue.”
If I gave myself permission to move on, it could happen. Even as crazy as our lives are, we could be happy...if I wanted to be. If there’s anyone who’s going to be the one to get through, it’s him.
Thankfully, the lights dim, stopping the conversation before it gets intense. The movie is terrible. I mean, absolutely ridiculous and not scary at all. Throughout the entire thing, we both make comments, laugh, and throw popcorn at each other.
