Page 3 of You Loved Me Once
When her voice trails off as she falls asleep, I clear my throat and the surgical team moves into action. They know the drill. The nurse switches the iPod to my surgery playlist, and Bruno Mars fills the air, indicating that it’s time to begin.
I go through my ritual. I stand on the left side of the patient, closest to her heart, lean my head back with my eyes closed, and count backwards from five. Five patients I’ve lost during surgery. I think of them, of what went wrong, and then I say their names.
Then I remember a few of the successes. I stand here, thinking of the cases no one thought I could win, and I smile. I replay the faces of the families when I told them I’d gotten all the cancer or that we were able to avoid the terrible outcomes they’d been preparing for.
The faith those families had in me was a gift. One I’ve never taken for granted. I say Claudia’s name last and ask for a little help in ensuring she gets added to the column of successes.
I drop my head back down and open my eyes. I see Martina across from me, trust shining in her eyes.
I hold out my hand, and say the word that brings me back to reality. “Scalpel.”
It’s always a good day to save a life.
Martina places the blade in my hand and my heart swells with pride.
God, I hope I never have to count to six.
Chapter 2
“Hello, gorgeous.” Westin grabs me from behind, his strong arms wrap around me, and I grin.
“Hey.”
“Just get out of surgery?”
I turn around, taking in the sight of him. He’s seriously sexy and the kindest man I’ve ever met. It’s what attracted me to him in the first place. Plus, he wants nothing serious, which is exactly what I want. We are perfectly happy in our non-relationship relationship.
I’ve learned the hard way that being a woman in a very male-driven job means sacrifices, and dating is one of them.
Plus, I already have a husband—the hospital. I don’t have time for a boyfriend on top of it.
Still, Westin and I have a great routine that works for both of us. Neither gets upset or mad when the other works late or has to get up early for a surgery. We just go with it.
After my last relationship, I promised to never let my heart be tangled up like that.
“I did,” I say as I give him a quick kiss. “All went well. What about you?”
“I’m doing rounds today. I’d like to be doing something—or someone—else right now.”
I laugh as his hand finds its way to my butt and he squeezes. Sex after surgery is really good. “Well . . .”
The door flies open and we split apart. Thankfully, we’re behind the row of lockers so I have enough time to clean myself up.
“Hey, Dr. Adams,” Tracy Allen, another doctor, smiles as she comes around. “Tomorrow is the big—”
“Nope!” I stop her there. “Tomorrow is abstract and all I’m willing to think about is today.”
She nods. “Got it. Dr. Grant.” She sees Westin and gives me a knowing smile. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“You’re not. Not at all. Thank you, Dr. Grant, we’ll talk more later about the upcoming project.” He shakes his head, but goes along with it.
“Sure thing.”
No one in the hospital is buying what I’m selling, but I have to at least pretend we’re not dating. Westin is the head of neurosurgery and the last thing I want is more people talking about either of us. We’ve had enough of that through the last year. There’s a bid for chief of surgery coming up, and scandal—even a hint of it—could cost us both an opportunity. Not that I want it, but I know Westin does. Then there’s the fact that both Westin and I know what a relationship in this industry looks like.
Too many friends have ended up divorced. It’s hard to know that your marriage is second to your career—always.
I’ve lost a love once because of the choice to become a doctor. I won’t lose another.
