Page 84 of You Loved Me Once
A tear falls down my cheek at the promise in his voice. I really hope it’s true because I’m hanging on the edge of a cliff by my fingernails. If I slip at all, I’ll plummet.
“Make love to me, Westin,” I request.
With our breaths mixing, he moves towards my lips, gazing into my eyes the entire time. I’ve never uttered those words to him, I’ve always kept a barrier between us. It worked until my past came back in my life, reminding me why I was this way. Westin isn’t my past. He’s the man I want to make room in my dresser for, and maybe one day he’ll share my home.
When our lips touch, my head spins with recognition of this new reality. It’s the coming together of two people who have been in this bed many times, but never fully. My fingers tangle in his hair and I pull my body against his, obliterating the remaining space between us.
Westin’s hands roam my body, hooking under my leg, wrapping it around his hip. Both of us are lost as we grab onto each other.
He moves his lips from mine, and this time I don’t take my eyes off him. “You’re so beautiful.” His voice is husky with desire.
I go to open my mouth to say something about how hot he is, but his lips wrap around my nipple, and I can’t remember anything.
He nips, sucks, and licks, driving me crazy. “Westin,” I groan, fisting the sheets when his other hand travels down my pants. With just the right amount of pressure, he starts to bring me higher.
“Tell me, baby. Tell me you want this,” he pushes.
“Yes! I want this,” I reply. “I want us.”
I want everything. I want to forget everything around me and be in this moment because I have no idea when my house of cards could crumble. He’s the only thing that brings me any kind of solace. I’m done holding back, my walls are down.
Funny that it took being faced with something I thought I wanted to realize that what I already had was all I ever needed.
Now, I don’t know if I’ll be able to hold onto him, but I pray I can.
Westin pulls my pants off, and removes his. His lips are back on mine and I wrap my hands around his erection. He moans into my mouth as I pump up and down, loving the noises he makes.
“I can’t wait, Ren. I need to be inside you,” he says and then nips at my ear.
I know exactly how he feels. “Now, please,” I pant.
Westin rolls the condom on, and when he’s in position, he stops.
“What’s wrong?” I ask breathlessly.
“Not a goddamn thing.”
Our eyes lock, and my heart races because I can feel the energy shift. It’s as though two pieces of a puzzle are finally fitting after trying a hundred wrong ones. There’s nerves, excitement, joy, and fear all battling over different things. I worry that after this, losing him will be my demise.
He grips my face in his hands, searching through the myriad of emotions undoubtedly playing in my eyes.
Gently, he enters me and a tear escapes the corner of my eye. Years of locking myself down are over, the shackles are broken, and the past that has weighed me down has been lifted. How stupid I was to hold onto it, thinking it would protect me.
Westin rocks back and forth slowly, loving me in a way I’ll never forget. He doesn’t have to say the words because I feel them. I’ve known it for a long time. Westin is in love with me and I’ve just fallen for him.
I just hope it stays that way if he ever finds out what I’ve done.
* * *
It’s been two weeks since I last saw Allison and Bryce. My life since then has been damn near perfect. Westin and I have had a little more time since I’m not bogged down with the trial, and his caseload is light as well. We’ve enjoyed the slower pace and it couldn’t have come at a better time because today, my trial patients come back for their scans, and then tomorrow the doses start again.
I’d like to believe this won’t affect the amazing state my life is in, but I’m a realist, and I know this will put another kink in the line. Not because I worry that seeing a man I loved so much will hurt, but because I’m reminded that I’m not the woman I’ve prided myself on being when he’s near.
“Hey, you,” Julie says as I sit in the corner of one of the consult rooms. I like to hide here when I need time to chart.
“Hey,” I smile.
She enters the room and plops down next to me. “Charting?”
