Page 70 of You Loved Me Once
It’s wrong to not do it.
I can help someone. I can give them what they want, I know it. I know this trial is the right combination of meds, and while I may lose everything, I can give something to someone else. I can save her. This is the right thing. Allison will die otherwise and I will never forgive myself. Yes, I can do this.
I grip the pen and write the number, grab the vial, and stick it in my pocket. Tomorrow, Allison will be given the next dose of the actual medication and I pray this will be the cure she needs, keeping Bryce from ever feeling the pain of losing anything else. I look back down at the vial, memorizing the numbers so I can adjust her chart, peel the label on the vial she actually received and swap it with this one. It’ll look like they were always this way now.
I’ve...done it.
My heart pounds as I rush out of the lab before anyone sees me and head down the hall. I need to change out the scan code on the bag in the machine to match the vial that I’m holding now. That’s the only loose end.
Now that I’ve gone this far, I can’t stop. I have to make sure that I do my best to cover my tracks.
My mind is racing, my stomach in knots as I knock on the door to finish the goal I have.
“Dr. Adams,” Allison says as I enter the room.
“I just need to check your machine,” I say with a strangled smile. My throat is tight and I feel out of control. The ground isn’t the same as it always was. Now it has cracks, flaws, and uneven edges that I’m tripping on.
“Are you okay?” she asks as she glances at Bryce.
No. I’m not okay. I’m not even sure what I’m doing, other than following my heart. I’ve come this far, I can’t go back now.
“I’m fine. I just have to make sure there are no errors on the paperwork,” I say, looking at Bryce for the first time. I see the panic in his eyes, but I nod, hoping he’ll understand to trust me.
I walk over to her chart and look at the code, it’s two numbers off. If I make it too obvious, it’ll be suspicious. One of the zeroes could be made into a six. It’s the easiest to change, and something that could have been a simple mistake. I strike a line through it, initial, and rewrite it with the six as though the new vial is what she received today. If anyone asks, I can say I wrote the wrong number the first time and needed to fix it.
“Everything looks great,” I say as I close her chart. “I’ll be back tomorrow and then you’ll have a few days off.”
Allison smiles. “At least I’ll have this week before the fun really starts.”
“Yeah,” I twist my hands as my adrenaline starts to ebb. “Have a good night.”
Bryce rises from the chair and extends his hand. “Thank you, Dr. Adams.”
I shake his hand and then pull back. “Don’t thank me. I’m doing my job.”
My legs are like jelly as I walk out the door and I grip the edge of the counter outside to keep myself from falling.
Holy fucking shit, what did I just do?
Chapter 22
Iopen the door to Westin’s apartment, unsure how I even got here. I’m in a haze, things are going on around me, but I don’t register anything.
I did something potentially stupid, and now I can’t undo it. The time on the clock says eleven forty, and I grip the back of the chair for support. Where have I been the last few hours?
I remove my coat and boots, and make my way to the bedroom. Westin lies there, snoring lightly. I strip down to my underwear and climb into bed. He doesn’t move, and the tears I’ve fought back all night finally fall, soaking the pillow.
I miss my mother.
All the years of grief I’ve stuffed down deep rises to the top, spilling over and leaving me raw. She should be alive right now. If I never lost her, none of this would’ve happened. The course of my life would have been very different.
How can it hurt so much this many years later?
Westin rolls over, his eyes meet mine and he shifts up on his elbow. “Are you crying?”
I’ve only cried once in front of him, and it was two years ago when I thought my father had cancer.
“I lost Mrs. Whitley,” I say as a sob escapes my throat. Saying the words out loud brings it all forward. “I lost her, Wes. She died and it was like going back in time.”
