Page 62 of You Loved Me Once
His chest heaves as he glares at me. “And I guess I’m the one who has to sacrifice now...again, for you.”
“How the hell are you sacrificing now? I’m the one who’s in the impossible position of treating your wife. Do you think this isn’t hard on me? Do you not understand that I’ve spent the better part of fifteen years wondering about you, replaying things with us? I loved you more than you could even fathom. When I lost you,” I choke on the sob that rises up. “I lost a part of me.”
His head jerks back and the heat from his breath causes steam to flow around us. “My love for you has dictated everything in my life. I love Allison, more than I ever thought I could, but it is nothing like what we had. Imagine what seeing you now is like. Imagine knowing, as you hold your spouse’s hand, that there’s still a part of you that’s looking at the girl you once swore would be in her place.”
I feel weightless and my head is spinning. “Please don’t say these things.”
“I don’t want to feel them, Chick. You have no idea how disgusted I am with myself for feeling this way. I’d never,everhurt Allison when she’s sick—I wouldn’t leave her or betray her or do anything to make her life worse. But I do want to exorcise these demons that you’re resurrecting so we can all move on and I can protect her. I don’t want her to suffer another devastating blow and I could’ve done something to stop it.”
I close my eyes and fight back the tears. “I can’t do anything about how you feel.”
“No, but you can give her the meds to help her.”
Chapter 17
Fourteen Years Earlier
“Please pick up, please pick up,” I chant as I wait for Bryce to pick up. It’s been two weeks since we’ve spoken, and even then, it was less than five minutes that we talked. Lately it’s been the same routine: I call, miss him, he calls, and doesn’t reach me.
Around and around we go, never getting close enough. Everything is strained in my life right now. My mother is fading so fast and there’s nothing I can do to stop it, my father is so depressed he’s not eating, and my grades are the lowest they’ve ever been.
Mom told me today she was unhappy with the amount of time I was spending with her, that she wants me to have a life, but it’s not going to change.
We’re losing her.
She is growing sicker and they talked about hospice today.
I’m not ready for her to go and I could really use Bryce right now.
“Hi, this is Bryce, I’m not around so leave a message and I’ll call when I can.”
Beep.
“Bryce, hey, it’s me...I’ve been insanely busy and tried to call, but I guess you’re the same. It’s been too long since I’ve heard your voice and I just miss you. Mom isn’t doing well,” I say as I sit down, my head falling back against the couch. “I’m...sad. I’m scared too. It’s been so hard dealing with all this without you by my side.” I’m rambling, but my heart is breaking and I just want his arms around me. “Just please call me back.”
It’s six at night and I have no idea what he’s doing. Maybe he’s studying, maybe he’s out drinking, or sleeping for all I know. We’ve had nothing but a series of missed calls and a random email last week, which I’m pretty sure I forgot to respond to.
I close my eyes and my lip trembles while the sadness takes hold. How did we get here? When did we become this distant? Bryce and I were in sync. We were happy and in love. We had plans, damn it, and now we have nothing.
I don’t want to be dramatic, but I feel him drifting away from me.
Each day runs away from us and if we don’t do as we promised, we’re going to fall apart.
I curl up on the couch, clutching the pillow that used to smell like him and cry myself to sleep, hating how many things are leaving me all at once.
The phone blares in my ear, waking me. I rise up off the couch, searching for it, praying it’s Bryce.
“Hello?”
“Ren,” Everton’s voice fills the other end of the call.
I glance at the clock and see it’s one in the morning. Panic fills me because no one calls at this hour unless something is terribly wrong. “What is it?”
“Mom.”
I quickly get to my feet, throwing a jacket on, and a pair of shoes. I don’t even know if they match. “Where is she?”
“At the house. She couldn’t breathe...you need to get here.”
