Page 57 of You Loved Me Once
It’s the first time he’s acknowledged that he gets it. My heart is filled with gratitude. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For letting me do what I feel in my heart.”
He moves to the side, taking my hands in his. “I know you love your family and I’d be the worst kind of prick if I told you not to go. I was just scared. Fuck, I’m scared now. I don’t want us to drift apart, so you can’t let that happen.”
“I won’t.”
And I mean that vow. I will not let us falter.
“You better get going, baby. It’s going to be late and you have a long drive.”
I lift my hands to his face, and kiss him hard. The tears I fought to hold back fall without permission. The salty beads touch our lips, mixing in with our goodbye.
“Don’t cry,” he says as his thumb brushes the moisture away.
“I’m going to miss you.”
“I don’t blame you,” he jokes.
My laughter is short and comes out almost like a snort. “You’re stupid.”
“I’ve never claimed to be anything but.”
I just keep trying to drag this out. Not ready to go weeks without seeing him. It’s going to kill me to drive away.
“I should go...”
“Yeah, you should.”
I fight the strength to get in the car, feeling like I’m leaving half of my heart behind, and maybe I am, because it will belong to no one else.
“I love you.”
“I love you, Serenity. Until...”
“My last breath,” I finish for him.
And then he closes the door to my car, and our hands are on the glass, not able to touch, but needing a connection. I put the car in drive, tears falling freely and then his palm falls and I drive away, leaving the man I love behind.
* * *
“John,” I say with a smile as I see Mrs. Whitley’s son.
“Dr. Adams.”
“How are you?”
He looks over at the door where his mother is. “I’m okay. I was able to get a few hours off and came down here.”
“She misses you.”
I see the shame pass in his eyes. “I wish I could make it more, but with work and the kids. It’s just . . . hard.”
I have to push aside my own feelings about this wonderful woman and remember that everyone deals with things differently. It’s not my job to judge this man, but I can’t help but think of my own mother and how I would’ve gone back in time for just one more minute with her. One second where I could hold her hand, feel her love, or hear her voice.
“I understand, but she doesn’t have a lot of time left and she loves you so very much. I don’t want to see you regret anything.”
