Shit.
“That patient reminded me of my mother.”
It could be true.
“Oh, Ren.” Martina’s arms wrap around me. She pulls me close and disappointment floods my system. I have two real friends in this town and I just lied to one.
I hate myself for this. I loved him and the lies I told myself when we ended were that it was for the best. Bryce wanted things from me I couldn’t give him. We were so hot and heavy in college, the world couldn’t touch us. Until I got into med school.
Then what I thought was unbreakable broke within weeks.
Seeing him brought it all back.
He was the only bright spot in my life and then the world went dark, and I retreated, vowing never to let myself be hurt again.
Now he’s here and all that I buried is right back at the surface. Once I remove Allison from the trial and find a way to convince her to do the right thing, he’ll be gone and I can go back to my life.
I pull back, not wanting Martina’s comfort when I don’t deserve it. “I need to take care of something, okay?”
“Of course. Let me know if you need my help. Just so you know, two more trial patients checked in.”
I’ll deal with the Bryce and Allison thing later. It’s my job to be a doctor and treat the others who came to me. My issues aren’t important in comparison, so I’ll do what I’m pretty damn good at—putting them aside.
“I’ll be right there.”
She heads out and I stare at myself in the mirror. I take a deep breath, reminding myself of the person I am now. “You are not the same girl you were. You’re a doctor, a friend, and a strong woman. No man can make you feel unloved and unworthy. You can do this.”
It’s been many years since I’ve had to utter those words aloud, but I need them today.
I head to the room of the second trial participant and pray I can avoid seeing Bryce. Luck has never been my friend, though. As I place my hand on the door of my next patient’s room, he exits Allison’s room. Our eyes meet and I see the conflict in his blue eyes.
My pulse races at the sight of him, but I remember he’s not mine and he doesn’t know me anymore. I guess he was right, that girl died fourteen years ago when he let her go so easily.
I turn my head, and enter the room to do what I was put on this earth to do.
* * *
After the remaining patients are registered and have the instructions for tomorrow, I sit in the on-call room charting notes. There is one patient I have to release, due to her scans coming back outside of the trial range.
I enter her room and she looks over with hope in her eyes. “Dr. Adams? Hi, I’m so excited about this trial and...”
“Lindsay, I got your scans back and I have a few concerns,” I say as delicately as possible.
“What’s wrong?”
I step closer, hoping to ease her tension, but there’s nothing that will comfort her. Telling her that the tumor has grown again and that this chemotherapy won’t help is a devastating blow.
My emotions are on shut-down mode. I’m not Serenity Adams, daughter, sister, friend, and kind-of-sort-of-girlfriend. I’m Dr. Adams, world-class surgeon and kicker of cancer’s ass. I don’t have feelings, just facts.
“The scans show that there’s no way I can save the ovaries, even with this treatment. The tumor has grown and I’m afraid I need to schedule you for surgery immediately. If I find what I believe I will, you won’t be eligible for the trial anymore. I’ll have to perform a full hysterectomy. I’m very sorry.”
Some doctors follow up with more, but there’s no point. Most people only hear the first sentence, so I try to give the bad all at once.
The hope that was in Lindsay’s eyes is gone and is replaced with tears. They fall as the words I spoke start to sink in. “That’s it? There’s no chance? My uterus too? This is the end for me, isn’t it?”
“It’s not the end. I’m still going to do everything I can to fight the cancer, but most likely the scan isn’t showing the whole picture, so I have to go in surgically to determine and deliver the best course of action.”
I will fight to the end with her.