Page 22 of You Loved Me Once
“I think I did,” I say quickly.
“What?”
I shake my head. “Please bring Ms. Brown her pain medication. I put a script through. I’ll be back in a bit.”
Without another word, I rush down the hall, past the break room, and head to the bathroom. I slide the lock, the loud click echoes through the small space, and I sink to the floor.
This can’t be happening. It’s just some horrible nightmare, because I couldn’t have this kind of luck. Why is this happening to me? He’s married and I’m his wife’s doctor.
Oh my God, he’s married and clearly moved on. Of course he did. A sob escapes my throat as the tears I’ve been fighting back fill my vision.
My head drops to my knees and I let it out. It could’ve been me, but I chose to leave and he moved on. The same should’ve been true for me. Instead, I’ve been stuck in a holding pattern. I wanted that life.
It’s clear they love each other, and logically, I was stupid to believe he was like me—missing what we had. I never thought he would pretend that I never existed. That I died. That he didn’t know me. We wereeverythingat one time. God, I was so stupid.
I sit back up, look at the ceiling, and wipe my face. Damn me for having emotions. I’m supposed to be strong and here I am, crying like a stupid lovesick fool.
What do almost twenty-four-year-olds know about forever anyway?
Nothing.
Then I think about Allison and how she came to me for help that I don’t know if I can give her now.
Ethically, I’m not sure that I can, or should, treat her. No. I won’t treat her. There’s no way I can work on my ex’s wife. If she dies, will everyone think I did all I could? Can I actually help the woman who is holding the hand of the man I once loved? The man I still think about? The man who clearly doesn’t think about me? The questions swirl around like a funnel cloud leaving nothing but destruction. How the hell can I do this?
I can’t. That’s the reality.
I can’t be objective and I can’t lie to Allison about the nature of my relationship with her husband, and that means treating her is a conflict. The rules are clear, and I won’t risk screwing this trial up. I can’t know any of the patients or their families. This is the biggest clusterfuck.
So much for my amazing day.
I need to finish checking the trial patients in, then I’ll find a way to refer her to someone else. While I know that is the right thing to do, I feel sick knowing that means she won’t go on with any treatment another doctor will suggest.
How can I turn her away when Iknow? Iknowwhat will happen to her.
“Serenity?” Martina’s voice is soft as she knocks.
Shit. I get up and splash some water on my face, hoping to tone down the splotchy red spots.
“I’ll be out in a minute,” I call back to her.
“Ren, what’s going on? Are you okay?” Martina continues, even with a thick steel door between us.
“I’m fine.”
“Yeah right. Unlock the door.”
I do as she says and her face tells me she’s not buying it. Martina steps into the bathroom with me and crosses her arms over her chest. “Spill it, girl. I know you well enough to see there’s something going on.”
If I tell her, I could put everything in jeopardy, and there’s no way I’m doing that. For now, I need to keep this to myself and figure out what I’m going to do. “I’m overwhelmed.”
Her brows raise. “That’s what has you locking yourself in the bathroom? Why not go to the on-call room, which is where you usually hide when you need it?”
“I don’t want to see Westin,” I say honestly. He’s the last person I want to see right now.
How is that for timing? I finally start to give my heart a small chance at healing, and the cause of its destruction shows back up. Okay universe...I hear you. No love for me.
Martina watches me closely, but seems to buy it. “What made you say you saw a ghost?”
