Page 100 of You Loved Me Once
She rips them off and tosses cold water across my face. “What the fuck?” I scream as my bed is wet now.
“You are Serenity Adams, world-renowned gynecological oncologist. You’ve had your three days of self-pity, now it’s time to get out of bed and grow up.”
I shoot daggers at her in my head. “Grow up?”
“Yeah, grow up!”
Julie raises a brow in challenge. I don’t need this shit. I’m old enough to live however the hell I want to. I’m not a child.
“You’re telling me to grow up and you just threw water in my face,” I spit the words.
She shrugs. “You’re lying in your bed, neglecting the other patients who need you, because you lost one? That’s not you. Theyneedyou, damn it. You need to help them! Whatever happened with you and Westin, I’m sorry, but he’s not missing work, clutching your shirt in bed. Now, get in the shower.” She points toward the bathroom.
Hearing her talk about my patients needing me forces me to move. When I get up, Julie’s relief is all over her face.
“I’ll be in the kitchen with food, once you’re done being an idiot.”
I flip her off.
“If you take more than twenty minutes, I’m coming in there, so don’t do anything stupid!” she says as I slam the bathroom door.
There’s no denying she’s right. I’m acting like a child and the idea that others are suffering because I’m upset with myself makes me even more disappointed in how I’m behaving.
As I shower, I start to think about the events and how they unraveled. We’re all victims in some way. Bryce just wanted to save his wife. Westin loved me and wanted to protect me. Allison paid the ultimate price. And I was at the center of it all, thinking I had it all handled.
Well, no more.
I didn’t handle it right, and that changes now.
It’s time to pick myself up and do the right thing.
I get dressed with a newfound sense of purpose, and move forward to clean up the messes and face the consequences of my choices. I can’t continue the way I have, and I will never be at peace with any of this if I don’t stop acting like the martyr.
When I head into the kitchen, Julie and Daddy are sitting there.
“I want to talk to you both,” I say as I sit.
They look at each other and then back to me. “Okay?”
As much as I want to shut down, the way my father’s eyes hold tenderness breaks me. He should know the things I did to get to this point. The way I was stupid and put Westin’s career, our relationship, and my integrity aside needs to be explained.
I go over the ugly details with tears streaming down my face. I don’t leave anything out from start to finish, and ignore the reactions of shock, disappointment, and even a little sadness on the faces of my audience.
“Ren,” Julie clears her throat. “Why didn’t you talk to me?”
I shake my head. “I was protecting you. If you knew, you’d have to turn me in. We both know that and I didn’t want to put you in that position.”
“But, you’re telling me now?”
I nod. “Yeah, because tomorrow, I’m going to talk to Dr. Pascoe. I screwed up, Jules. I know this, and I need to take responsibility for it. That’s the only way I’m going to ever make amends with myself and the people who trusted me.”
Julie just stares at me. “Are you sure? I mean, there’s no going back.”
I nod. “I’m sure. No matter what, I have to own my mistakes.”
She stands and touches my shoulder. “I would’ve never turned you in, Ren. I don’t agree, hell, I can’t even pretend to understand why you did that, but I know you...I’ve known you a long time,” she says and squeezes. “You’re an amazing doctor, don’t forget the lives you’ve saved.”
I get to my feet and pull her in for a hug. “Thank you.”
