Page 93 of Could Have Been Us
A sob escapes her throat as she throws herself into his arms. “Please, Daddy, you can’t go too.”
“I have to, baby. I have to get help so I can come back and be the daddy you need. It’s what I should’ve done before. You shouldn’t be taking care of me, Kinsley. It’s my job to take care of you.”
“I can do it, though. I can take care of everything.”
“You can’t, and that’s why I called Stella and Jack.”
Stella wipes her face, and I do as well. It’s incredibly hard seeing the two of them in this much pain.
She looks to us, tears running down her face, and then back to Samuel. He wipes them away and says, “There are two other people in this world who love you more than their own lives, and they’re here, willing to help. While I go away to get myself better, they’re going to take care of you.”
I want to scream about how unfair it is for her to have to go through this. Her life has been upended, and now it’s becoming worse. We gave her up to avoid causing her pain, and now we’re sitting here, inflicting it.
“I want you!” she cries out.
“I know, and I’m sorry I’m not able to do this on my own. I wish I were—God, I wish I could do what your mother would want, but I can’t.”
Samuel looks to us, and I’m not sure what to say, but I’m going to try. “I can’t imagine what you’re thinking. You don’t know us at all, and now you’re being told we’re your biological parents and are here to help. I’m . . . I’m not sure what to say, and I’m an adult.”
Stella clears her throat. “Whatever questions you have, we’ll answer.”
She looks at Stella. “I saw you. You were at Mom’s funeral.”
“I was.”
“So, you knew who I was?”
Stella nods. “Yes, I talked to your mom frequently. She would write to me and send me photos. But her funeral wasn’t the right time to talk to you. I knew you were grieving, and I came just to pay my respects to someone I loved.”
Kinsley’s eyes turn to me. “Were you there?”
My throat goes dry, and I answer her honestly. “No, I didn’t . . . I didn’t really talk to your parents. When I had to let you go, it was . . . well, it was the only way I could survive it.”
“Right. And now I’m supposed to stay with you? Pretend that this is okay?”
Samuel takes her hand again. “I’m asking you to temporarily go with two people who love you enough to be here right now. Who came, without hesitation, to do the best thing for you. I can’t do this. I have to go, and none of us want you to go into foster care.”
Her eyes widen. “What about my friends? Why can’t I stay with them?”
“Because this is the right choice,” Samuel tells her. “You have to trust me.”
Kinsley gets to her feet, tears still falling down her cheeks. “I don’t! I want Mom! She would never let this happen!” she yells before running out of the room. The sound of her door slamming reverberates around the room as we all sit here in silence.
Chapter 28
Stella
Watching Mickey drive Samuel away was incredibly heartbreaking. Kinsley cried continuously—hell, we all did. The next thirty days will be a testament to our fortitude. Jack is quiet, doing his best to appear strong, and I’m dying inside.
I try to think of how I would feel at her age. She knew she was adopted but knows nothing about us. Now, she’s forced into this while the only parent she has left checks himself into rehab.
I’d be angry, scared, and inconsolable. Which is what I imagine she is.
She’s been in her room the last hour, crying and breaking my heart. If she were Amelia, I would be in there, holding her as she let go of all her pain, but I don’t have that right. So, I’m standing outside her door, debating the right move.
Jack enters the hallway, jerking his head to the side as an indication that he wants me to follow him. I touch the wood panel, sighing and then moving away.
“She needs time.”
