Page 91 of Could Have Been Us
“I’m not saying I want that either, but you can’t just bring her into Willow Creek Valley and expect no one to notice.”
“Of course it wouldn’t be a secret. We’d have to deal with it.”
“Deal with the fact that you and I have a twelve-year-old daughter who we’ve never told anyone about. Are you prepared to do this?” Jack asks.
I’m not prepared for any of this, but it’s the hand we were dealt. “We’re her parents.”
Jack shakes his head. “We’re not her parents, Stella. Samuel and Misty are. If you do this, you’re going to be fucking crushed at the end. Do you get that? You’re going to have your heart destroyed when you have to give her back, which you’ll have to do.”
Tears well in my eyes, and I force them back. “I know that.”
“Do you, baby? Do you know it is going to be ten times harder this time? She’s going to know we are her biological mother and father. That we gave her up twelve years ago. That she has uncles and a cousin. She’s going to see that . . . God, Stella, this is . . .”
Impossible.
Everything he’s saying is right. My heart and my head hear it all, and yet, it changes nothing.
I step forward, placing my hand on his chest. “I’m going to be devasted giving her back, but once again, I have to put my daughter’s needs first. We made a choice years ago to do the best thing for her, and we’ll do it again. She needs us, Jack. This time, it’s Samuel asking for us to help him the way they did for us. Now, if you can’t or don’t want to do this, that’s your choice. I won’t . . .” I want to say that I won’t hold it against him, but I will. As much as I hate it, this is a defining moment for us. “Well, I will respect your decision. So, you can walk away, but I am going to take Kinsley home. I’m going to take care of her while Samuel gets the help he needs. We can do this together or you can walk away.”
He turns, pushing his hair back and cursing. “Look at me, Stella. I am not going to walk away from you and let you do this on your own. I’m just as responsible as you are, and I will never be okay with her going into foster care. I just . . . I don’t know how to do this. How to act like a guardian or whatever we’ll be.”
“Neither do I, but you’re a great man.”
“No, you are the good one. Jesus. Don’t you see? You made the choice for her. You struggled and . . .”
“And you didn’t?” I challenge. “I know that you’re scared, and I’m absolutely terrified, but there’s only one option here, and it’s what’s best for that little girl. We have to do the best thing for her, regardless of our own feelings.”
His eyes close, and I can see the pain when he opens them again. “I know. The worst part of this entire thing is that there really isn’t any way either of us would abandon her. But it’s going to cost us, Stella. It’s going to break us in so many ways, and I’m not at all sure that we’re prepared for that.”
I walk over to him and rest my hand on his cheek. “We’ve survived worse, we’ll find a way through it again, only this time, we’ll have each other.”
His forehead rests on mine as we breathe each other in. “I hope so. I really fucking hope so.”
Chapter 27
Jack
After a lot of phone calls, preparing documents, and tears, Stella and I are the legal guardians of Kinsley Rose Elkins for the next thirty days.
My hands are shaking, I keep clenching them in an effort to stop, but it doesn’t. She’s going to be home in the next hour, and her entire world will change.
“What does she know?” Stella asks Samuel as he rocks back and forth on the couch.
“Misty and I promised we would never lie to her. She knows she’s adopted. She knows her mother was young and her father was too. We always gave her the option to ask whatever questions she wanted, but she never did.”
I swallow deeply as Stella’s fingers lace with mine. “We just want to help her get through this without complicating it.”
He nods. “I think today is going to be the worst day of all our lives. Kinsley will face the fact that I’m not as infallible as she thinks I am, and she’ll have to come to grips with having to go somewhere new for a while. It will be a lot for her.”
That’s the understatement of the year. I know what it’s like to lose your parents at the same time. When your mother is taken away and your father falls apart. I’ve been where she is, and it will fuck her life up in so many ways. The things she thought she knew will become false.
“I’ve been where she is,” I speak for the first time in a while. “It’s going to be extremely hard for her. She’ll be taken from the life she’s known and everyone she loves. I don’t know that any of us are remotely prepared for how she will react.”
Stella turns to me. “What if we stay here for a few days? We can help her get through the first part in the comfort of her own home, and when she’s ready, we can bring her back to Willow Creek.”
I nod. “I think that’s a good idea.”
It’s something, at least. Plus, it’ll give Stella and I some time before her family has to learn the truth. As much as she’s trying to pretend she’s strong, I see the cracks in her armor as she trembles.
