Page 9 of Could Have Been Us
“You do?”
She takes a sip and then smiles sadly. “Well, I know that look.”
“What look?” I ask with a bit of ice in my voice.
“The one that says it isn’t about scenery at all and all about trying not to care about someone you can’t stop caring about.”
Delia is the only person who ever alluded to thinking something happened between Stella and me. Even then, it took her over a decade to hint at it. We were walking, giving Grayson and Jessica some alone time to work out their shit, and I mentioned the color of the sky being like Stella’s eyes.
One stupid slipup, and it seems Delia caught it.
“You’re talking about Josh?”
“Please, my love for that man isn’t a secret. I’ve just gotten good at pretending otherwise. It helps with not feeling like a total idiot.” She nudges me with her shoulder. “What I’m wondering is how long you’ve maybe had feelings for someone else.”
I shake my head, staring at my beer. “I don’t have feelings for anyone. You know that.”
I can feel her assessing each word and debating if she’s going to call me out. Admitting it will never happen. That would be the dumbest thing I can do. The only reason that I’m still breathing is because Grayson has no idea I’ve ever looked at Stella in that way.
He’s my best friend—a brother more than anything—and I betrayed him once. I’ll never do it again.
Not because everyone knows you don’t fuck your best friend’s sister but because our actions broke Stella and me and we don’t need Grayson doing more damage.
Delia releases a long sigh. “I guess I thought differently.”
This mood has to stop. I can’t walk around Willow Creek with my head all messed up. I need to get back to being the fun guy. Being the character who laughs, doesn’t let shit bother him, and is a take-it-on-the-chin kind of friend. I’m who people come to for a laugh.
“What brings you here?” I ask her, changing the topic.
“I got stood up.”
“Oh?”
She laughs. “It happens more than I care to admit.”
“I’d never stand you up,” I tell her honestly. Delia is beautiful. She’s smart, has a great sense of humor, and would do anything for those she loves.
“Aww, be still my heart. However, here we both sit, drinking in a bar that smells like piss and beer.”
“I’m not sure it’s piss, I think it’s the beer that’s spilled so much.”
Delia scrunches her nose. “Either way, it’s gross.”
“It is.”
Delia and I have always had an easy friendship. It was nice being friends with a girl who didn’t want anything more than just that. She never lusted after me and while she was incredibly attractive, the feelings never grew to more. We’ve been able to share secrets, well, some of them, and never have to worry. I could tell her about what has brought me so low. At least I could confide a part of it.
But I won’t.
A secret is only that when it’s only yours.
No one knows how I feel about Stella.
Not a soul alive has a clue that I lust for, dream about, or crave the girl who I should never again touch.
And that’s how it has to stay.
“You can be my date tonight,” I offer.
