Page 86 of Could Have Been Us
I promised myself that I would never abandon her again, and that’s what turning my back would be.
“I’m going to go,” I tell him.
“No matter what?”
I swallow and then clear my throat. “Yes. He asked me to come.”
“What part of this seems like a good idea, Stella?”
“None of it, but it is what it is. Samuel needs help, and I’m sorry, but that means Kinsley does too.”
He runs his hands through his hair. “We’ve survived this for twelve years because we agreed then when we gave her up, that was it. We aren’t her parents. We are complete strangers to her.”
“That may be, but Misty is dead, Jack. She died and things changed. While I understand your feelings and respect them, I can’t pretend that call didn’t come in. I can’t pretend as if it’s okay that Samuel is falling apart and getting drunk in bars while she is alone.”
“I’m not asking you to.”
“No, you’re just asking me not to go.”
He pushes the air from his mouth. “If you go, then what?”
“I’ll figure it out.”
There is no way to answer that. I could get down there and find that Samuel is totally okay. This last week could have been just a hard day for him. Or I could find a totally different scene. From what Mickey said, it’s more likely to be the second. No matter what, that little girl has lost enough, and I won’t hang her out to dry.
Jack’s voice is low. “You’re setting yourself up for heartache. And don’t take that as me not caring, because I do. I . . . I care, Stella, but I also know that this doesn’t end well for you. You who has the kindest heart and there’s no way to protect her. You aren’t her parent. You have no rights. We gave those away. Misty was whoallowedyou glimpses into her life. If she hadn’t, there was nothing we could’ve done and we knew that. We were told, when we signed the papers, that it was the spirit of the agreement, nothing was mandated other than our names weren’t hidden on the birth certificate. Remember?”
I’m well aware of that. I know that after the sixty-day period, I lost all rights to that girl. I’m aware that even though we had an agreement for updates, it wasn’t legally binding. I just had to trust Misty and Samuel, the same as they trusted us during my pregnancy.
Still, the fact remains that he asked me for help and I’m not going to turn my back.
“I didn’t forget that, Jack. She’s still our daughter regardless of the paperwork.”
He leans toward me. “She’s not. She’s a child we had, but fuck, Stella. How don’t you see what lines you’re crossing?”
All I see right now is that he’s willing to let her suffer. “I can’t see this your way.”
Jack sighs, his shoulders drop, and I can see this is wearing on him. “I love you. I want nothing more than to change all of this, but our onlylegaloption is to call child services. Is that what you want?”
“Of course not! I want to help.”
“And what if you being there makes it worse? What if you go there and Kinsley wants nothing to do with you? What if she rails about how you’re the worst mother because you left her with another family? What then? How the hell will you handle that?”
I start to tremble, fear making it hard to speak, so I don’t.
Jack places his hand on mine. “This is a mistake.”
“Maybe it is, but it’s one I have to make. With or without your support.”
Chapter 25
Jack
Ican’t lose her. All night long I felt her slipping away as that argument went on.
Stella is asleep—head on my arm and legs entangled with mine. At some point during the night, I went from holding her to having her suction cup herself to my body. I don’t complain, though, because having her beside me at night is the only way I want to sleep.
In a few minutes, she’ll wake up and then she’ll leave.
