Page 57 of Could Have Been Us
Grayson walks toward the kitchen. “You came to my fucking house drunk, talking about how you didn’t like her. You went on and on about some girl, and it was Stella?”
“It’s always been Stella.” There’s no point in hiding that now.
He blinks a few times. “What about Misty?”
“Misty was never someone I dated.”
Misty is the woman who was something else entirely.
“Are you kidding me? There’s no fucking girl named Misty who you’ve been pining over?”
“It’s complicated, but Stella is the only woman I’ve ever loved, and out of respect for you, I . . .” I can’t say I never acted on those feelings, and I refuse to add more lies onto this. “I did my best to stay away from her. The two of us have fought it and tried, but I have been in love with her for a long time.”
Grayson leans against the counter, fingers gripping the granite. At least they’re not around my throat.
“Years?”
I nod.
“And have you . . .”
My throat goes dry because I know that if I tell him we’ve slept together, he’s going to lose his fucking shit. If I lie, then I’m doing everything I promised myself I wouldn’t do. “Do you really want to know the details or do you just want to know what I feel for her?”
Jessica comes beside him and takes his hand in hers. “Your sister is a grown woman who is entitled to live her life however she wants, and Jack is your best friend. Do you really think he’d do anything to hurt her?”
Grayson looks at me and shakes his head. “No, but you’ve both lied to me.”
“It wasn’t something either of us wanted to do.”
“You could’ve told me, Jack. You could’ve sat me down and said you were in love with Stella and wanted to date her.”
“I should have done it, but I wasn’t ready either.”
“Ready for what?”
Ready to let myself release the guilt of the past. In some ways, I’m still not. We have a daughter, and she never would have happened if I weren’t being a selfish asshole. I went to that party because Grayson asked me to. I went to watch over her, be a friend, and I took advantage of her.
“For her.”
He releases a heavy sigh. “I don’t know what to say. I was so ready to tell you to fuck off, but I’m being ridiculous. It’s not entirely about the fact that it’s Stella, either. It’s that you both had some big damn secret that I don’t know about. I would’ve never stood in your damn way. I might not have been excited, but I wouldn’t have stopped you.”
“I’m sorry for that. I’ve tried to stop feeling this way—I really did, but then we were arguing at the wedding, and I’m not strong enough to stay away anymore.”
Gray looks at Jess and smiles with a roll of his eyes. “I get that part.”
“Yes you do,” she says with triumph in her voice.
“No more lies,” Grayson says, turning back to me.
I feel like I’m skating on fractured ice. I can twist a justification for keeping Kinsley from him, but a part of me knows it’s still the lie he will see it as.
But Kinsley is Samuel’s and telling Grayson and the family will do no good. They’ll never know her any more than we will. So how do I answer this?
Jessica looks at me and links her arm around Grayson’s. “Let’s all agree that we’re going to behave like adults, okay? You know about him and Stella, and I don’t really think you want to know all the details, do you?”
Grayson makes a face that has me holding my breath to stop from laughing. After a few seconds, he sighs deeply. “Fine, I won’t punch him.”
I smirk. “Please, you hit like a girl.”
