Page 49 of Could Have Been Us
“What are we doing here?”
She lifts her head, a beam of light catching her dark brown hair and causing it to shimmer. “We’re breathing, Jack.”
“Don’t we pretty much do that each minute?” I ask, moving closer to her.
Like a magnet, she pulls me in.
Her eyes meet mine, and she smiles. “No, I don’t think either of us do. I think we fight it.” She steps toward me. “I think that if we didn’t, if we really inhaled, we’d find that it hurts.”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” I tell her.
“I know.”
“Everything I do is to avoid that.”
Stella takes another step. Slowly, her hand lifts to rest on my cheek. “I know that too, but you avoiding me, Jack, it hurts. I’ve been in love with you for . . . God, fifteen years.”
The restraint I’m using to keep from grabbing her causes my arms to shake. I can’t move or I’ll fuck everything up. I’ll take her in my arms and kiss her until the only breath she knows is mine. I’ll . . . No. I can’t. I won’t.
“This is why love and happiness don’t exist,” I tell her.
“No, it’s because you’re afraid. Tell me you don’t want me right now. Tell me that, when I touch you, you don’t wish it would never end.” She moves closer, her chest brushes against mine, and I swear I’m going to fucking die. “Tell me that you don’t love me the way I love you.”
I have to lie because if I say the truth, then we will just be back where we started. Even if I tell her the truth, it won’t change our circumstances.
I take her wrist, pulling her palm away from my face. “I don’t feel that way.”
Anger flares in those brown eyes. She knows me too well. “So, you’re going to pretend? Like . . . it’s nothing?”
“It’s better this way,” I tell her.
My heart is pounding, and when I try to let her go, she grabs the lapels of my jacket. “We have to deal with this. We can’t . . . we can’t pretend anymore. You still have feelings for me, I know you do!”
Yes, I do. I fucking love her enough to stay away because we will never work.
Instead of telling her that, I dig deeper into the lie. “I don’t.”
She shakes her head, tears starting to fill her gaze. “Lies,” she whispers. “Tell me the truth for once.”
“I do . . . Ican’t.”
Why can’t she fucking see it? If I let myself love her, then we won’t be able to go back. We’ll have to tell everyone the truth. The number of lies we’ve told over the years will unravel and it will destroy everything.
“You can’t pretend with me, Jack.” Her hands fall away, and I make a grave mistake.
I reach for her. She comes to me instantly, her hands on my chest as I hold her close, making one last attempt. One chance for her to see what I’m saying before I do everything I said I wouldn’t. “We can’t. God, Stella, we can’t.”
Her eyes flutter, and her lips part. And then, like the bastard I’ve always been, I stop fighting and kiss her.
“Get your fucking hands off my sister,” Grayson says from behind us.
Chapter 14
Stella
Of all the damn people to catch us, it had to be him. “Grayson . . .” I say quickly, moving toward him.
My brother doesn’t look at me though. No, his rage is centered on Jack. “How could you?” he seethes.
