Page 35 of Could Have Been Us
He seems taken aback by that. Good. “A what?”
“An explanation. You know, where you explain why you’re such an asshole.”
“I know you’re pissed.”
“Yeah, I am.” There’s no point in denying it. “But more than that, I’m hurt. You do this to me, you know that? I get to a point where it doesn’t hurt, and then something happens, and I’m right back to being that eighteen-year-old girl again.”
“It’s no different for me.”
I roll my eyes. “Please, you couldn’t give two shits about me. Anyway, go ahead, I’m waiting for this explanation of how it’s so damn easy for you to care so little. I’d like to know your secret so I can do it myself.” My arms cross against my chest as I wait.
“Okay, well, I guess it’s because being around you makes me lose my mind. I see you, want you, and know that there’s not a fucking universe that exists where I should have you. I push you away because, if I don’t, I’ll go crazy waiting for something I will never allow myself to have. You want to know why I do this? Because I have never wanted something so badly as I do you. So, I’m here to apologize because you deserve better.”
“Better? Better than what?”
“Than me!”
I shake my head. “What the hell makes you think there is better? I want you. I have always wanted you. You keep saying better, but you fail to see that you are what’s better for me.”
Jack runs his hands through his hair, turning before looking into my eyes again. “Are you serious, Stell? You were eighteen and I fucked up your entire life. I took advantage of you that night, and then we had a kid. One we had to give up.”
“Yes, we had a kid, but you weren’t the one at fault. There were two of us there that night.”
“I should’ve been a better man.”
I huff. “Then be the better man now, Jack. Tell me what you truly want.” I step forward. “Tell me how you feel.”
Jack’s eyes close, and I see that he won’t. “You deserve a man who will slay the dragons, Stella. Not the dragon himself.”
I open my mouth to say something, anything, but only air escapes. My heart is racing, and I want to grab him and kiss him until he sees that he is the one who slays my dragons.
“Uncle Jack?” Amelia’s voice is soft, and when I turn to her, she’s running forward, arms wide without a care in the world.
I step back, giving her room.
Everything he said is what I’ve wanted to hear from his lips, and I don’t know what to do. I know he wants more, but now the question is . . . can I convince him to do it?
Jack catches her, kissing her cheek. “What are you doing here?”
She beams at him. “I’m sleeping over. You should too. We can have a party.”
“I don’t know that your auntie would like that.”
Oh, I would very much like a slumber party, without the kid—or clothes.
“Do you want to?” Amelia asks.
Please don’t answer that.
“I’m not sure about sleeping over, but I’d like to stay for a while.”
Amelia clasps her hands together, her eyes wide with excitement as she turns to me. “Oh, can we?”
Damn it.
I know letting him in tonight is the forgiveness he showed up to get. As much as I’d like to push him, punish him the way he’s doing to us, I won’t. Staying mad at him is something I’ve never been good at.
“Sure. He can come watch a movie.”
