Page 21 of Could Have Been Us
And with that, she opens the door, clearly asking for me to leave.
I go because I have spent the last twelve years walking away from her, letting the action steal one more sliver of my heart as I do.
But when I get outside, I stop and turn. “What would our moment have been?”
She leans her head against the door, a sad, wistful smile on her lips. “I don’t know. I guess maybe we had our moment, didn’t we? We loved each other one time. One night. That moment is all we’ll ever have. I’m tired and need to get some sleep. Good night, Jack.”
I want so badly to pull her into my arms, to hold her close to me, kissing her until neither of us can fucking breathe, but I don’t. I return her smile, hating how easy it comes. “Good night, Stella.”
* * *
“Those boots can’t get much cleaner,” Grayson notes as I wipe the toe harder.
“They can always be cleaner.”
“To go back into the fire?”
I shrug. It’s giving me something to do. Something to stop myself from replaying the conversations I’ve had in the last week.
I was a fucking idiot. I said too much, and while he thinks it was Misty I was talking about regarding moments, it wasn’t.
I want the moments with her.
With Stella.
Tonight’s fire took a lot from me. I didn’t realize how much I needed to expel this energy.
Then there’s the fact that Stella disappeared again today, and I have a feeling she didn’t tell anyone because she’s in Georgia—again.
Grayson puts his hand on my shoulder. “Listen, about the other night . . .”
Fucking hell, he knows. He knows that I was at Stella’s late at night or he heard something from Delia and Jess.
“I can . . .”
“No, listen, what you said about taking a chance and living in the moments instead of the end was some profound shit coming from you.” He laughs, and I nod. “But you were right. I’ve been so worried about Jessica leaving that I forgot to focus on the fact that she’s here now.”
Relief that it’s not what I thought ripples through me. This is a topic I can manage. If one of us can be happy, then it should be him.
“Did you talk to her about this?”
He nods. “She told me she loves me. Before I got in the car to come on this call.”
I laugh because he seems surprised. The two of them have been in love since they were freaking teenagers. “And?”
“And . . . I don’t know, maybe she won’t go. Maybe . . . maybe I’m a fool.”
“Isn’t that the saying about being in love, it makes us fools?”
Grayson snorts. “That’s the fucking truth.”
“Well, we’ve known that about you for a long time.”
“Enough about me and love, what about you? You’ve been distant and missed a few pizza nights.”
I have been. I’m missing my usual fuck-it-all type attitude. The last few weeks haven’t allowed that.
“I’m fine. It’s been crazy with work and just . . . memories.”
