Page 120 of Could Have Been Us
“She doesn’t hate you. I promise you that.”
“Is she okay?”
“She’s doing well. She misses you and is worried about you.”
He releases a deep sigh. “I’ve been sick over it. I know you and Stella would never hurt her, but leaving her, knowing I was too—”
“Strong, Samuel. You were strong and what you did was nothing less than Herculean.”
Stella comes to stand beside me and rests her hand on my arm. I let her strength and love wrap around me.
“I appreciate you saying that, but I don’t feel all that strong right now.”
I can respect that, and I won’t diminish his feelings. I can’t say that I feel all that strong right now either. “Well, we’re here to do whatever we can to help.”
“I know.” He sucks in a breath. “Before I lose my nerve, can I talk to her?”
“Of course.”
Stella is already moving toward Kinsley’s door.
A second later, Kinsley practically runs to the phone. I hand it to her, feeling a pang of jealousy that I shouldn’t.
“Daddy?” she says quickly. “Daddy! How are you? I miss you. Are you okay?” Kinsley’s grin is wide as she rattles off the questions. She looks so happy to hear from him. “Yes. I am. Uh-huh.” Time stretches out before us as she talks.
I look to Stella, who is staring back at me. This phone call is doing exactly what I warned her it would do, which is reminding us of our place.
Regardless of whatever lies I’ve told myself, a piece of me has clung to a hope that she was getting attached to us as well.
I stand here, listening to her excitement to talk to Samuel, and watch Stella turn. She looks out the window, her shoulders slumped, and her arms cross in front of her. I’ve known her long enough to understand what she’s feeling.
Lost.
Stella Parkerson is one of the strongest women I know, but looking out at the mountain tops and the vast expanse in front of her is what she does when she doesn’t know where to turn.
I hate this for her. I want to take all the pain she’s feeling and make it mine. She doesn’t deserve to hurt.
My heart is pounding against my chest, and I hear the word over and over:stupid, stupid, stupid.
Kinsley’s voice filters around the room. “That’s so great, Daddy. I can’t wait. I’ll help you, I promise.”
Stella moves her hand across her cheek, and I want to rage at the fact that she’s crying. If we give in to our feelings and allow ourselves to break down in front of Kinsley, it will only make things worse.
I make my way over to Stella and grip her shoulder. She doesn’t say a word as she rests her hand on mine. I lean in, my front to her back, absorbing the hurt that’s radiating off her. My lips move to her ear, offering her whatever support I can. “I know this is hard, but we have to be strong.”
She nods.
“Once she goes into her room, you can fall apart in my arms. I’ll hold you together.”
Stella leans back into me while we listen to Kinsley’s voice fill with pure joy.
“I will, Daddy. I love you so much, and I can’t wait to see you. Okay. Here’s Jack.”
Two names in the same sentence that should be mine, but only one applies. I close my eyes for a beat, step away from Stella, and grab the phone with a sad smile because that’s about all I can muster.
Oblivious in a way only a kid can be, Kinsley smiles and rushes off into her room, and I clear my throat before pressing the phone to my ear. “Hi, Samuel.”
“That went better than I hoped. Thank you for everything. I know I asked an incredibly hard thing of you both, and I wish I didn’t have to, but I’m thankful that you were willing to step in for me.”
