Page 118 of Could Have Been Us
“Of course I am, but I think you’re the one who’s wrong.” I look at his tall frame, the slight drop in his shoulders as he carries the weight of the world.
This has always been Jack’s greatest problem. He thinks he’s responsible for everyone he loves, and he’s failed them. His mother, his father, me, Kinsley, we’re all the links in the chain that he’s somehow failed to repair.
Instead of just loving us for whatever time we may have together, he pushes against it. I thought—I hoped—that last week was a turning point, but now we’re back here again.
I start to walk out of the room, unable to watch him pull away. It hurts, and I need every bit of strength I have today.
“How so?” he asks as I get to the door.
I stop, not turning toward him. If I see his beautiful eyes, I’ll crumble. “By thinking you could stop loving her even if you wanted to.” I leave him with my words and walk out of the room, ready to face whatever lies ahead.
* * *
Oliver meeting Kinsley was exactly as I hoped, hilarious and easy. His easy smile and the warmth that only my brother possesses had her warming up to him immediately. He’s so damn likable it’s gross.
Since our talk, Jack has been here, but he’s still aloof. I wish I could shake him until he saw that our time is slipping away. As upset as I am with the way he’s handling it, I have to remember that we each have our own way.
He will be the one with regrets, not me.
It’s nearing the time we’d typically put on a movie before bed, but the elephant in the room has grown so large that it’s hard to breathe.
We got an email from the facility earlier this week, stating that Samuel was slotted to call today, but the email cautioned us that things could change. Jack and I weren’t sure what to do, but we decided telling Kinsley was the right move.
None of us have mentioned it all day, but Samuel still hasn’t called.
Kinsley looks out the window and then turns to me. “Did you get another email?”
I shake my head. “No.”
Her chin drops a bit. “Oh.”
“Don’t worry, if it doesn’t happen today, I’m sure he’ll call another day.”
Jack walks over and pulls her against his side, surprising us both. “I know you’re sad, but he’ll call. There’s nothing in this world he loves more than you, Kinsley.”
She gives him a hug back, and I have to fight back tears. There’s nothing that Jack loves more either, but he won’t allow himself to see that even if he’s hugging her and giving more of himself up.
“What if he needs more time? What if he needs another month?” The panic in her voice threatens to shatter me.
“Then we’ll figure it out.”
“I have to go back to school! I was supposed to be at camp this summer, not here!”
“I know,” Jack says. “And I’m sorry your plans got messed up. We don’t know anything about your dad’s treatment. He may be doing great and be home in a week. Until we hear otherwise, there is no reason to worry about it.”
I watch as her lower lip trembles and her eyes fill with unshed tears.
“Why don’t we make popcorn and watch a movie?” I suggest. A distraction sounds like what we all need.
“I’m not really in the mood,” Kinsley says, pulling away from Jack and wrapping her arms around herself.
Sometimes, it’s amazing how much of us I can see in her. Jack’s quiet stubbornness. The way he would rather lock himself away than admit he’s hurting. My strength in the way she can face the world, her troubles, and forge ahead, no matter how hard it is.
She could’ve fallen apart when everything unraveled, but she didn’t. She stayed strong when I don’t know I could’ve at her age.
“Would you rather be alone?” Jack questions.
Kinsley inhales deeply a few times. “I’m going to read.”
