Page 106 of Could Have Been Us
I look at the paperwork all over my desk. “Working.”
Grayson shakes his head. “No, you’re hiding, and it’s not like I blame you for it, but . . . you’re being an idiot.”
“You’re really inspirational.”
He shrugs. “I’m not here for that. I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to do this just the two of you. I’ll always be around if you need to talk.”
Those simple words unlock something in me. Grayson, the guy who knows my entire fucking life, was left out of one of the most important things. It’s been harder than he can ever know. Keeping this from him ate away at me. Having to endure it in silence was fucking torture.
So here, in my office, I unload.
Grayson listens, allowing me to say shit that I’m not sure even makes sense. I tell him about Kinsley’s birth, and how hard it was to give her over to another family. Every few minutes, he asks a follow-up question, and we keep going this way.
It could be fucking hours, days, a week that I just talk.
And once my words dry up, he nods. “You’ve been through hell.”
“And I’m still there.”
He laughs while shaking his head. “You have a second chance, Jack. You get to be in this girl’s life for however the hell long the time is. Do you know what a gift that is? Not only did you finally get your head out of your ass and get my sister, but also you’re in Kinsley’s life. What the hell are you doing?”
“I have to give her back!”
“Yeah, you do. You know that, and it sucks, but wouldn’t you like to enjoy the time you do get now?”
My chest is tight, and anger starts to simmer. He gets to keep his daughter. He can love Amelia, raise her, give her a life. I have to let her in only to watch her go once more.
“It’s not that simple.”
“Maybe not. Hell, I’ve been called a fool more times in the last week than I can count, so what do I know? Here’s the one thing I do understand . . . you have about three weeks with a kid you never thought you’d have three weeks with. You do what you need to do, but this time, Jack, you won’t get it back.”
“It’s fleeting.”
“Yes, it is, so you want to spend the time you could be spending with her at your office instead? It’s an open adoption, it means she and you all get to choose what relationship you have. No one is stopping you from having a place in her life if she wants you to, right?”
“That’s not true, Gray.” I don’t have the energy to explain the rules because when we give her back, it’s not up to us. It’s not even really up to Kinsley and I’d rather prepare for the worst.
“Well, as a father, I’ll tell you this, if Amelia was with Yvonne and all I could get was one day a year with her. That day would be the best day each and every time.” Grayson gets to his feet and shrugs. “But what the hell do I know?”
* * *
I don’t remember leaving the office after Grayson did, but here I am, standing outside the door of Stella’s loft.
I didn’t get any work done, and I give zero shits about it.
Grayson is right. I have three weeks. Three weeks to get to know her and maybe at the end I never see her again. Maybe this will be all we get, and if it is, then I want every second of it.
I push open the door, and Stella glances over to me, smiling. “Hey, you’re back?”
“I am.”
“Okay. Is everything all right?”
I nod. “Where is Kinsley?”
“She is getting changed. We were going to grab food.”
“Oh.”
