Page 105 of Could Have Been Us
Irub my hand down my face as I stare at my accounting books. This is something that I loved doing, but now, the numbers are just running together in a blur from staring at them for too long.
All I can think about is Stella at home with Kinsley.
Yesterday, I spent an hour cleaning before explaining to Oliver that I did not, in fact, have a maid. When I got to Stella’s place, she and Kinsley were on the couch, huddled under blankets and watching television. I stood there, my heart racing and feeling a mix of emotions. I was happy for Stella. I know she wanted this so much. However, I was terrified because distance is what will save us from the pain of giving her back.
I can’t love her.
I can’t let myself love her more than I do already.
It will break everything inside me when I have to watch her go again.
Instead of joining them, I went into the office and pretended as if there was a pressing matter at work. And now I’m here, doing the same thing.
I release a deep breath through my nose and try to focus on some of the things I need to do. After a few seconds, I push the papers off the desk and let out a curse.
“You look like shit.”
I jerk my head up to see Grayson standing in the doorway.
“Thanks.”
He enters my office and takes the seat across from my desk. “I’m going to assume it’s the jump headfirst into fatherhood.” I glare at him, and he lifts his hand. “Easy, killer, I’m not here to give you shit. I’m here with an apology and some understanding.”
“Really?”
“Really. Remember, I’ve been where you are. It isn’t the same place, but it’s close enough.”
I shake my head. “You have no idea. Amelia was an infant, I have a twelve-year-old who is pissed, alone, scared, and God knows what else.”
“Sort of like you were when your dad took off.”
I lean back in my chair and exhale. “Maybe that’s the worst part. It’s like she’s living another version of my life.”
Only not quite. She has a great family, one parent who is willing to do what he needs to do to give her the life she deserves and birth parents who may have given her up, but are stepping up as well.
“If there’s two people on this planet who can handle it, it’s you and Stella.”
“Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?”
Grayson rubs the back of his head. “When it comes to Stella, I’ve always been an asshole, you know that. Honestly, the two of you make sense. Maybe I’ve known that all along. There’s not a man alive I trust more than you. I know I was a prick, and I’m sorry. You know how hard it is for me to find out about lies.”
“Yeah, man, I do.” Grayson has had his fair share of people playing games with him, and after what his father did, I don’t blame the guy for having zero tolerance for lies. “Good. So, you have a daughter?”
I sigh. “I do.”
“What’s she like?”
I take a few seconds to search for words. “She’s amazing. She’s smart and likes math.”
He laughs. “I hope she has a cool friend like you did.”
I flip him off. “You weren’t the cool one.”
“Right, whatever you need to tell yourself, brother.”
“She’s the perfect blend of Stella and me.”
“Then what are you doing here?”
