Page 84 of Return to Us
I look up at him through my lashes, hoping it shields some of my emotions. “I . . . I needed something that was you.”
Grayson drove that truck. It was all I could do to feel like maybe, somewhere, we were both sitting in the same vehicle at the same time. It was so stupid, and I felt ridiculous, but after college, when I moved to California, I could feel a little of Carolina—a little of him.
He pushes up, leaving the bed, and goes to the window. I can feel the distance growing between us. And here is exactly what I worried about before he came over. We have issues that need to be resolved, and now it’s more complicated because we’ve crossed a line we can’t turn back from.
“Why didn’t you call?” Grayson asks.
“It would’ve changed nothing.”
“You don’t know that.”
I get to my feet, pulling the sheet and wrapping it around me. I walk over to where he stands. “At the time, it was what I believed. I was young, stupid, scared of loving you and ending up like my mother, and then there was your family. I don’t know what to say other than I regret it. I wish I could go back and be brave enough to tell you how I felt and give you the opportunity to tell me how you felt. All I can do is be honest with you now.”
He cups my cheek, leaning down so we’re breathing each other in. “And what’s honest?”
“That I have always loved you. That I don’t know what this means for us going forward, but I know that I don’t want it to stop.”
Grayson’s forehead rests against mine as his arms wrap around me, holding me close. “I don’t want it to stop either. Even if it means I watch you walk away again.”
“I don’t want to think about leaving.”
“Think about staying, Jess. Think about what we could have.”
Our lips touch, and in this moment the idea of leaving him again seems impossible. I know that I’ve never had dreams of settling down here, but with Grayson, it doesn’t feel like I’d be giving anything up.
I would have him.
I would have us.
I would have everything.
* * *
Delia, Stella, and Winnie keep giving each other weird looks as we eat at Jennie’s diner. I’ve been quiet, smiling and basking in the sense of calm I have.
“What?” I finally ask after another glance between them.
“You look different,” my sister notes.
“She looks happy,” Delia states.
“I’m just quiet.”
Winnie eyes me curiously. “Yeah, but you have this glow.”
I shrug. Earlier this morning, Grayson dropped me off at home, giving me a sweet kiss before telling me we’d talk later. He plans to spend the day with Melia, and then he and Jack are heading out for some training thing with the fire department.
As far as anyone knows, I was at home last night.
These three are nosy, though, so I need to give them something. “I guess I slept well.”
And then Stella groans. “Oh, God. You slept with Grayson! That’s why I had to keep Melia last night!”
I drop my sandwich, eyes wide and my cheeks on fire. “Shh! Are you crazy yelling that?”
“Well, did you?”
“I . . . what . . . I—” I am seriously the worst liar, and now there’s no way I can hide it.
