Page 122 of Return to Us
“I’m waking up from the fog, that’s what’s happening. I was so fucking desperate to love you that I convinced myself it was all real. You’re cleared, Jess. Go. Just go.”
I’m stunned. Absolutely fucking stunned. Who is this man? The one who needed me is now pushing me away. “This is what you want? To push me away when I’m clinging to you? How does this make sense? I’m telling you I want to stay, and you’re not listening! I want you and us and Amelia and this . . .”
“I’m telling you to go. Go back to the life you left, and we’ll go back to ours. Just as it should’ve been.”
“So, because you’re afraid, you’re pushing me out?”
Grayson turns. “I’m not afraid. I’m realistic. I watched you walk away once. I watched Yvonne do the same. This clearance is the excuse we both needed and knew was coming. There’s no reason for you to stay, and I’d rather you go now before we break my daughter’s heart too. We’re done, and I’ll be just fine. It’s not like we had plans.”
My hands move to my stomach as the knot grows there. Only it’s not a knot, it’s a baby—our baby. I think about how tonight was supposed to go and how horribly wrong it went. The things he’s saying, though, I can’t stand here and listen to any more. He’s ripping me apart, and I have to stop it.
Tears fall unabashed as the pain lances through my heart. “I was never leaving you. I was sharing with you.”
He turns his back to me. “No one ever stays. Why would you be any different?” He laughs once. “I fucking knew it, I was just a fool.”
“No, you’re an asshole,” I say as I gather my clothes, getting dressed because, no matter what, I don’t deserve this.
I send an emergency text to Delia, asking her to come get me, which she replies almost instantly to, telling me that she’ll be here in five.
Once I’m dressed, I walk toward the door, feeling so much pain it hurts to breathe. I stop, hoping he’ll at least look at me. But Grayson doesn’t turn, he just stands, looking out the windows, his back to me.
“So, this is it?” I ask.
“I’m doing what you did before. I’m walking away before you get the chance to do it to me.”
“Right. Hurt me before I can hurt you?” He stays quiet. The text comes from Delia that she’s here. “The sad part is that I was excited to be cleared, not because I was going to leave but because all I could think about was our life here. I saw our life together, not me getting on a plane to leave. What I didn’t see was this reaction. I never thought you’d end things, but I’ll give you what you want, Gray. I’ll go. I’ll do what you expect but not because it’s what I want. I’m walking out of this house because I won’t let you treat me this way. I won’t let you villainize me when I’ve done nothing wrong. I’m sorry your father is an asshole. I’m sorry Yvonne is doing this to you and Amelia. And I’m even sorry that, when I was younger, I didn’t see just how much I loved you and that we could’ve tried. This time, though, this is on you. I’m not leaving because I want to. I’m leaving because you pushed me out the door.”
I wait. My heart pounding, praying that he’ll turn around and . . . anything. Stop me, beg me, tell me that he’s just scared, but he doesn’t.
He just stands there, facing the outside world and closing me off.
So, I turn and do as he asks, leaving him with my heart shattered on the floor as he lets me go.
Chapter 31
Jessica
Ipull up to the house, needing some time to myself. I have cried more tears than any human should be able to shed.
I’m alone.
I feel bereft and hurt in a way I didn’t expect. There’s nothing to do but take some time and figure things out.
A part of me knows he was angry at the situation, but it doesn’t negate the fact that he said what he did. It’s been twelve hours since our fight, and I haven’t heard a word from him.
There is nowhere else I could think to go where I could feel close to him while also being alone.
I look up at the yellow door, feeling the warm tears falling down my cheeks.
“Well, baby, it’s just us,” I whisper to my stomach as I carry my bag up the stairs.
It seems crazy that it was just a month ago that I was here. How different the drive was that time with Amelia chattering away and Grayson holding my hand. Now, there are tears and heartache all around me.
I get inside and call Delia.
“I’m here,” I say when she answers.
“Are you okay?”
