Page 11 of Return to Us
I nod. “Exactly. I was being strong, making it so he didn’t have to leave me. I left him. And we were young, so it wasn’t going to work anyway.”
“It doesn’t sound like Grayson chose them. It sounds like you chose for him and then left before he could prove you wrong.”
“Yeah, I guess I did.”
Dr. Warvel’s smile is triumphant. “That was easy.”
“I know what I did. I was young and scared. Also, my father leaving was horrible on my sister and me. It really screwed us up on the rules of dating.”
“That’s the thing about dating, the rules change, and sometimes, we don’t even know it.” She looks at her watch. “Our time is just about up, but let’s talk about your nightmares. Are they still causing you problems?”
“Yes.”
The crash is constant, and I’m exhausted. I’m ready for this nightmare to be over, but no matter what techniques I use, it continues.
“I see. And the methods we talked about aren’t helping? Are they at least less intense?”
“No, they’re worse. I hover on the edge of consciousness most of the time. Like, I can feel them as though it’s real.”
“Okay. I want you to try something. When you wake up, I want you to write it all down. Every detail from the dream, not what you remember from the actual crash, but only what you recall from the dream.”
“Well, the dream is the memory of the crash.”
She lifts one shoulder. “Humor me.”
“Okay.” I get to my feet and take a step before she stops me.
“I’d like to tell you we had a very intense conversation and you were able to control your speech very well.”
There is a huge sense of victory running through my veins. I was able to get through this session much better than the last. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Part of what we do here is deal with the things that we’ve buried or don’t like to discuss. I’m giving you some time so you’re not blindsided, but we need to discuss your father next session.”
My entire body tightens. I’ve done everything I can in the last sixteen years to rid that man from my life. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Then we’ll talk about that next week.”
* * *
I’m lying on the couch, trying to watch the movie Jacob sent me when I admitted I’d never really watched his movies.
I grab my phone and send him a text.
Me: They paid you far too much to make this film.
Jacob: Ha! Don’t I know it.
Me: You’re very lucky you’re so pretty.
Jacob: Don’t forget I smell like oak and whiskey. It was probably that.
And now I want to die. Of all the things he remembers, it has to be that I said that. I blame my brain bleed for it.
Me: What is said during a near-death experience should not be held against those who almost died.
Jacob: But you didn’t die, therefore that rule is null and void.
Me: Tell Brenna I said you’re a pain in the ass.
