Page 130 of Return to Us
My hand rests on my stomach as tears fall. I’m so tired. I’m so . . . overwhelmed. Everything feels like it weighs a hundred pounds and I can’t move any of it off my chest.
I think about how he begged for me to fight and what he said to the baby. He knows, and now I don’t know what to do about it.
Nothing feels real, and my head is too jumbled to decide anything.
There’s a knock at the door, and Delia enters.
“Jess.” She rushes forward, tears in her eyes. “Oh, Jessica!”
“I’m okay.”
“Are you sure?”
I nod. “I think so. They said if I had been inside a minute longer, we’d be having a very different discussion.”
She sniffs and wipes under her eyes. “I swear, you have the worst luck, so you can’t leave the bubble we make for you.”
“I think a bubble sounds good.”
Her hand grabs mine. “We’ve been so worried. The doctor said you’ll need to be on oxygen for a while.”
“Yeah, they’re still monitoring things, but the chamber helped a lot. Where is Grayson?”
She looks out toward the door and then back to me. “He’s in the waiting room. He’s been beside himself, Jess. I’ve never seen him so afraid before. And then, I’m so sorry, I told him about the baby.”
I squeeze her hand. “It’s all right.”
“I just . . . I know you didn’t tell anyone else, and I wanted the doctors to know.”
My hand moves to my stomach as more tears fall. “You did the right thing.”
“Did I?”
“Yes. You . . . you were . . .”
The emotions become too much, and I start to cry. Delia grabs some tissues and hands them to me. The two of us cry together as I struggle to deal with all that’s happened. I almost died. I almost died in a fire in the house that has meant so much to me. It’s all so damn much.
Delia moves to the side of the bed, wiping my face for me.
“Jess . . . I have to ask . . .”
My eyes look up as someone comes to a stop just in front of the doorway. Grayson stands there, looking exhausted and yet so damn gorgeous at the same time. He watches us, and Delia stands.
“I’m going to go out there. You guys have a lot to talk about.” She leans over, kissing my cheek.
He steps aside so she can pass and then moves closer to me, looking a little nervous, and I can feel my pulse rising. “Please don’t be nervous. I just . . . I’m so sorry, Jessica.”
“I am too.”
He moves to the side of my bed. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I was such an asshole. Everything I said to you, it wasn’t true. I don’t want you to leave. Ever. I want . . . well, I want it all with you, and I was angry and scared I’d lose you.”
As much as I want to be angry, I’m not. I love him, and I may hate what happened, but I also know what it’s like to live without him. I never want to do it again.
“I wasn’t going to leave,” I say the words that he wouldn’t hear before. “I was happy because I knew that staying with you was all I wanted. Not because of the baby but because of us. Because of you and Amelia. I wanted the future before us, and . . .”
“I love you,” he says matter-of-factly. “I love you, and I didn’t want to watch you walk away again. I thought that pushing you out would give you the life you really wanted.”
I shake my head. “You’re the life I want.”
