Page 128 of Return to Us
I’m standing outside, terrified to see her in pain. I count to three and push the curtain over. The tears form instantly.
She’s on the bed, looking so small and frail. There are some burns on her arms, but overall, it’s not as bad as it could be.
The tests show she has moderate damage, and they are doing everything they can to help her, treating not only the smoke but also possible carbon monoxide poisoning. Because of the pregnancy, they are doing things meticulously and monitoring both of them.
I thank God for the fireman next door who smelled the smoke and was able to get her out quickly. That man . . . he saved her life.
I will never be able to thank him.
I get to the edge of her bed, taking her fingers that aren’t wrapped in mine. She moves subtly, and as much as I want to see her eyes, I keep my voice just barely a whisper so I don’t disturb her. “I’m so fucking sorry, Jessica. I love you so goddamn much, and I don’t deserve you,” I say, my head resting on the rail. “I messed up by pushing you away, and if you come back to me, I’ll give you the world.”
I move my other hand to her stomach, looking at the fetal monitor that silently blips along with the baby’s heartbeat. “You, you fight. You stay there, and you—” I break off. Words becoming too much. My palm covers our child. A baby we made and I want more than anything.
Losing them. Losing either of them isn’t an option. They need to fight. They have to be okay. If love is enough to save someone, then these two have more of it than they can ever need from me.
“You have a sister. Her name is Amelia, and she needs you.” I look up to Jessica. “She needs you, and I need you. I need you more than I need air, Jessica. I was so wrong. Please,” I beg, “please forgive me. Please let me make this right.”
The sound of a throat clearing comes from the door. The nurse gives me a sad smile, and I turn my head and breathe, trying to get a grip on my emotions.
“We need to take her to the chamber now.”
“Yes. Of course.”
Another person enters. “Hello, I’m Dr. Ryan, and I’m monitoring any changes with the baby.”
“I’m the father. Can you tell me anything?”
She smiles. “The first round in the chamber helped, which is why we’re doing it again. As of now, I feel hopeful.”
The nurse finishes attaching things to the side of the bed before patting my shoulder. “We’re ready.”
“We’ll be out to let you all know how it goes.”
And now we wait—again, and I hope she fights and returns to me.
* * *
Winnie reaches over, taking my hand. “It’ll be okay.”
I close my eyes, resting my head back on the wall. “I heard her during the fire. I listened, and . . . I just kept thinking that I was going to hear her die. I’m hours away, and I can’t get to her. She’s going to die, and I can’t save her, and the last thing I said to her was to leave.”
“You guys fought?”
“I found out something that . . . well, it caused me to be a dick. I hurt her.”
“Jessica has guilt too, Gray. She felt awful about being cleared and keeping it from you.”
“She’s also pregnant,” I say, not wanting to remember the awful argument about her being cleared to fly again.
Winnie smiles softly. “I know. Does that change things?”
“Of course it does.”
“I think she was worried about that too.”
I look at her sister, a younger version of Jessica. “Why?”
Winnie sighs and shrugs, pulling her hand back. “You’re both idiots. I want to go on the record here. Your last girlfriend got pregnant and left you. Here she was, pregnant and given the all clear to leave. She was terrified.”
