Page 10 of Return to Us
It seems she did, but I’m not sure either of us are right for each other.
Chapter 3
Jessica
“And how did you feel seeing him again?” Dr. Warvel asks as I play with the fringe on the blanket.
“It was fine.”
“Fine, how?”
“I’m not sure. A part of me is glad it is over. The other part of me is happy that it went as shitty as it did. Your moving work less.”
As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I can feel the rage burning. It is frustrating and makes me feel inept that I can’t get my mouth to work right. All day, I struggle to keep it together and not allow it to bother me, but in this room, I can be angry.
She leans forward. “Try again, remember to go slow and stay calm.”
“I hate this.”
“I know. Part of what we’re working on is getting your brain to push against itself while also handling all the changes in your life. It’s a lot to deal with, Jessica. You’ve done great so far, but the more you can control your anger, the more likely it will be that your words come out correctly.”
She’s right. When I’m able to breathe, think it through, and focus, the words come out better.
Allowing my anger to leave my body in a long breath, I try again. “It was hard seeing him.”
“Because you have avoided it?”
“Yes. There was always a part of me that regretted ending things.”
Dr. Warvel sits back in her chair. “Your first love is always one that hurts the most. At least, for most people. Losing him was your choice, though, correct?”
“It was the right one.”
Grayson and I would’ve ended, it was inevitable. We were two kids from very different places, even though we were in the same town. He was two years into the college he was attending in Charlotte, and I was headed to school in Massachusetts. While we could do the distance from Charlotte to Willow Creek, going states away was going to be our demise. Even though I loved him, I needed to end things. I needed to be free from his family and the fear of him leaving me when he saw I wasn’t the girl for him.
“How did things end?” she asks.
I focus, keeping my body loose as I start to talk, preparing for my words to jumble but hoping they won’t. “When I went to Massachusetts, I told him that I wouldn’t be returning to Willow Creek—ever. He was always set to take over one of his family’s properties, and that wasn’t what I wanted.”
Grayson’s family’s properties came with strings, Mr. Parkerson made sure of it. His children were to be with likeminded and financially stable families. Their kids were to elevate them in society, not bring them down with gutter trash like me.
Never mind that I loved his son. Never mind that I treated him with respect and it wasn’t about the money.
It didn’t matter. My father was a piece of trash who left. My mother was a member of the Park Inn’s housekeeping staff, which meant I was completely unsuitable.
“Why wouldn’t you want that?”
“Because they told me that I was no better than my mother who cleaned their toilets. I was poor, and they would never accept me. And . . . I don’t know . . . he’d leave when he realized I wasn’t good enough. I wanted us to build our own life, travel, get out of this town. I wanted to start new, and he didn’t.”
“Did you and Grayson ever talk about that?”
I shake my head. “He was born and bred to take over. That was part of their legacy and each of the kids in his family have something to run. He would always choose them.”
She writes something in her notepad and then places it on the side table. “You know, I’ve known the Parkersons for a while. I don’t know them well, but I know a bit and then what I’ve observed. Family is important to them, but it’s not everything.”
“It was back then.”
“So, you prevented him from hurting you?”
