Page 64 of Stay for Me
Hell, I’d like to kiss her everywhere. I’d like to do a lot more than that too. Maybe I can work this out of my system. She takes up so many of my thoughts that it’s pathetic, but the reality is so much better.
Brenna runs her hands down her face. “I like you, Jacob. I like you, and that scares me because I haven’t liked anyone other than my husband in a very long time. It’s been over thirteen years since I kissed another man. The thing is, I liked kissing you too . . .”
“Don’t say anything else,” I stop her. “You don’t have to. I get it.” She isn’t the kind of girl who is going to enter into some kind of weird relationship or whatever this is. I knew it, and I was still a fucking idiot. I don’t want her to feel guilty or apologize. “Just know that I liked it.”
“I have to say something, though. I liked it too, and you have no idea how much I want to do it again. But what does this mean?”
“I’m not really sure what you’re asking.”
“I mean, we become, what? Make-out buddies? Do we hook up and then just pretend nothing happened? I’m not sure I can be that girl. I have two kids, one who adores you and one who is a young woman who sees way too much. How do I explain whatever we’re going to do to my kids when I don’t understand it myself?”
And here is what Connor was talking about. “I’m not asking for anything.”
She turns to me, taking my hands in hers. “I know you’re not. It’s me. Doing what I do for a living causes me to look at the entire thing. I analyze and overanalyze and then talk myself in circles. I’m asking though. What would this be?”
As much as I’d love nothing more than to tell her what I know will get her to agree, I won’t do that. I won’t ever be a man who uses women to get what he wants.
“I can’t stay here, Brenna. So, whatever it is we do will have an end date.”
She tries to smile, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “I figured.”
“I will never lie to you. I won’t make you think there’s more if there’s not. I want you. I have never wanted another woman like this. You consume my thoughts, but I can’t promise you more than whatever we share while I’m living here.”
“And I appreciate that. I just have to think about it. I don’t know if I can do . . . that.”
“I understand, but it’s all I can offer.”
Brenna and I lean back, going around another time.
After a few more turns, she speaks softly. “Every time I look at a Ferris wheel, I’m always going to remember this night and you.”
“That’s something. I wish it could be more.”
She takes my hand and squeezes. “Don’t say that. It’s everything, Jacob. It’s everything.”
Chapter Seventeen
Brenna
Iroll over for the hundredth time. I can’t sleep. I can’t stop thinking about Jacob. I feel his lips, taste the minty remnants from his tongue, and deep earthy scent of his cologne. It’s too much. I’m too hot.
I sit up, toss the blanket off my legs, and sigh. “What am I going to do?”
My life has been a series of serious decisions. I’ve never been young and carefree. The night I met Luke changed the trajectory of the path I was on. There aren’t any regrets, but what if it could be just a little different?
I could allow myself a chance to enjoy something that doesn’t have to define my life. Dating—or whatever it is we’d call it—Jacob wouldn’t give me roots, but it might allow me wings for a bit.
I look at the clock, seeing it’s five in the morning. There’s not a chance I’m going back to sleep, so I decide to take a walk. The kids are at my in-laws for the night and won’t be home until later, which means the house is too quiet.
It’s early summer, and I haven’t gotten to see a sunrise in a long time. Devney said that there’s a spot in the back of the property that has some of the best views of Sugarloaf Mountain. I might as well go see it instead of sitting around here and dwelling.
After making sure my sweater is wrapped tightly around me, I grab a blanket as well, and head out.
As I walk, the sky starts to brighten, and I just breathe.
My mind wanders as I make my way toward the creek that Devney said runs through the property. In the time that we’ve lived here, I’ve only ventured out this way twice. It’s probably not my smartest idea to do it when no one is home to notice if I never make it back, but it’s too late now.
Each step has my mind taking apart another moment of last night.
