Page 108 of Stay for Me
I roll my eyes. “Watch it, Dec.”
“You’re serious about her, aren’t you?”
Older brothers are good for very little besides annoying the fuck out of you. My brother is exceptional at that. “What do you think? I just offered to buy this shack on wheels.”
Of course, I am serious. Hell, I think I’m in love with her, for fuck’s sake.
He smiles. “I’m happy for you. I know the girls are all over the moon about it. They love Brenna and would welcome her into the family.”
The visions of us living in her house and being domestic fill me and then evaporate like mist. I can’t let myself go that far ahead. We still have a lot of shit to deal with. Our photo shoot is coming up, and we need to prepare for our happy little world to become chaos. I have to pace myself or we’ll both end up crushed.
“Well, as happy as I am that the three of them are on board, we’re not taking things that quickly.”
“I understand. You’re scared.”
I let out a long sigh. “I’m not scared, Declan. I’m being smart. I’m not going to rush into something that has the potential to hurt her and the kids. Once this story is out next week, we won’t be able to live in the bubble that is Sugarloaf. There will be press, photos, stories that aren’t true about me and God only knows who else I’m filming with. There’s more to think about than my own shit.”
Declan chuckles, but it’s more of an apprehensive sound. “I don’t envy you there, brother. I just want you to also be honest about it. I know what you’re feeling. I’ve literally been there. All three of us have. We grew up and spent most of our adult lives believing we were unworthy and unlovable. It’s still hard for me some days. I wait for Syd to wake up and be like, nah, he isn’t worth it.”
My brother has always tried to be this statue-like figure in my life. I knew he wasn’t that way. I’ve seen him cry when he thought no one was looking. I also know how much losing Sydney broke him to his core. Even during all of that pain, he never voiced it. Talking was not his strong suit. He liked to pretend that being strong meant hewasstrong. It was his way of accepting his reality.
Hearing him admit anything to the contrary is a bit unsettling.
“And you think she will?”
“No, but it’s easy to wonder sometimes. For years, we were told what pieces of shit we were. How we didn’t do anything right. We were his literal punching bag both physically and emotionally. The only reason we survived was because we had each other and the girls.”
Devney and Sydney saved the four of us more than they ever knew because, no matter what, they gave us slivers of joy. Going to Sydney’s pond and swimming or riding and caring for the stray animals at Devney’s farm, gave us a reprieve from the pain.
“I don’t know, Dec. I really don’t because, on one hand, I’m pretty sure I’m already fucked. She’s everything I want. She’s perfect for me in every way. The other hand tells me that I’m not good enough for her. I’ll taint her and break her.”
My brother’s hand grips my shoulder. “That is notyourhand talking, Jacob. That’shis,and you can’t listen to it. You won’t break her. You won’t taint her. She’s chosen you, but you have to choose her and yourself.”
I already have chosen her. I choose her in every way, but it feels too simple, and that scares me. Loving her shouldn’t be this easy. It should be a struggle, and it’s not. It’s...effortless. It’s like drawing a breath without having to tell yourself to do so. It just happens.
“How did you manage feeling this way for Sydney and not fucking lose your mind?”
He laughs. “What makes you think I haven’t? I love that girl beyond reason and all portions of sanity. I would do anything, give up everything, and fight until my last breath for her. It just took me a really long time to understand that meant fighting for her, not against.”
“You’re a lucky man.”
He looks back toward his property and sighs. “I am. And if you let yourself, you’d see that you are too. Now, I’ll get the papers drawn up so you can be the happy owner of this tiny house. Wonder what land you might set it on.”
“As much as I’d love to kick your ass, Dec, I have a hot date tonight and don’t want to mess up my outfit.”
He rolls his eyes and laughs. “You could try, Hollywood, but you’d fail.”
“Yeah, yeah, we’ll see about it.”
Declan laughs. “Yeah, when you’re not trying to win over your girl.”
I look down at my watch, wondering if I can squeeze in a quick ass kicking, and think better of it. Date night is way more important.
Chapter Thirty
Jacob
“Where are we going?” Brenna asks for the fifth time as we enter the clearing in the woods.
