Page 68 of Stay for Me
I lean back, warmth flooding my veins. “Does it matter?”
“Yes. It matters.”
My head is swimming, and I pull my wrist free, sliding it up behind me to wrap around his neck. “I don’t want you to stop.”
He brings his hand up my back, holding me while I hold him. “I couldn’t sleep,” he confesses. “I couldn’t think of anything other than that kiss.” Breathing is so hard right now. I can’t think with his lips touching the sensitive skin behind my ear. “I want to kiss you.”
“Me too.”
He takes the pole from my other hand and throws it to the ground. Before I can register what he’s doing, I’m turned around and in his arms.
Jacob takes a beat. I see the reluctance in his eyes. This time, it won’t be a surprise or a spur-of-the-moment thing. This kiss will be purposeful, and I am ready for it.
“Kiss me, Jacob.”
His hands cup my cheeks, and he moves slowly. Each second that passes has the anticipation growing. There’s something inside me that knows this kiss will change me forever. We are crossing a line, changing the definitions of our relationship, and I’m giving up any pretenses that I don’t want him.
I want everything of his.
My eyes flutter closed, and then the pressure is there. It isn’t rough or eager, it’s a slow and sweet kiss. One that shows he’s considerate of more than just his want.
He tilts our heads, deepening the kiss, and my arms slide around his middle and then up his back. I hold tight, not wanting any distance between us. His tongue slides against mine in a dance that I didn’t think I could learn the steps to, but Jacob leads me.
The worries I had about feeling guilt aren’t here. Instead, it’s acceptance and peace that settles around me.
This thing between us will never be more than a small sliver of time.
We’ll never love, and we’ll never have a future, but we can have now.
I can have him.
For whatever time we’re allowed, I can let myself become whoever I want, and I’ll figure the rest out later.
He pulls back, kissing me softly once more. “And that should’ve been our first kiss.”
“What’s the saying? First is the worst, second is the best?” I tease.
“And what about the third?”
I lift up on my toes. “Third is where we kiss like grown-ups who are out without anyone in the world knowing.”
“What does that mean?”
I gather every bit of courage I possess and lay it all out there. “It means I want more, Jacob. I want whatever we have. No promises. No questions.”
His green eyes stare into mine, searching for something. “I respect you too much to use you.”
“Is it using if I’m asking?”
“You understand what you’re asking for?”
I nod.
“I need you to say it, Brenna. I need to know that you’re going to be okay when I have to leave. I care about you and the kids. I don’t want anyone . . .”
I bring my mouth to his, silencing whatever crap he was going to say. I’m very aware of what this will and won’t be. There’re just zero fucks left in me to care. The rational woman inside me knows that I’ll end up crushed in a few months, but I’ve listened to her for too long.
He kisses me deeper, the passion between us is a hundred times stronger than it had been last night. This is all-consuming, and I’m on fire.
