Page 130 of Stay for Me
I imagine the four of them, dirt everywhere as they chased animals, all smiling with bright green eyes and a friendship that no one could break. “I think you’re all still that way.”
“We are. Even when we weren’t close in distance, there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that, if we needed each other, we’d be there.”
A tear falls. “I wish . . . I wish that we could be there now—for him. He needs help, and none of us can do anything but sit here and wait.”
“And it’s killing me,” Declan confesses.
We approach an area that has a beautiful wooden fence and big trees that blow in the wind. There’s a strange sense of calm that settles over me. One that I can’t explain.
“Where are we?” I ask.
“This is where my mother is buried. The four of us come out here a lot, which is why there’s a ton of flowers.”
“Jacob has told me a lot about her.”
Declan grabs another lantern that is next to the bench and lights it before sitting. I move to his side, feeling hollow and cold.
“Jacob was always the toughest of us,” he begins. “I remember when he was, maybe, six and fell off his horse. My mother was beside herself, worrying that he broke something, but he jumped up with a smile and asked to go again. She wouldn’t even entertain that idea.”
I laugh once, which sounds more like a breath. “Are you trying to say you think he’ll be okay?”
Declan shakes his head. “I’d like to believe it, but I’m also terrified.”
“I am too.”
“Did Jacob ever tell you about the truths of an arrow?”
“He hasn’t.” At least, not that I can remember.
He chuckles. “When we were young, our mother thought it would be a special kind of torture to make all of us have this saying about an arrow. If you can imagine four boys who had zero interest in repeating this stupid phrase every single time we pulled into the driveway, I promise, it’s worse. We would complain and groan, but Mom wouldn’t have it. She’d sit at the end of that driveway, scold us, and still manage to get us to repeat it.”
“What’s yours?”
“A true second shot will split the first arrow and create a solid path.”
I think about that for a minute as I consider what she might have been telling him.
Declan tilts his head toward me. “I think she knew I’d fuck up things pretty good and need to try again.”
“I think that’s most men.”
He shrugs. “Connor’s is: you can’t take a shot until you break your bow. Because, as a kid, Connor would agonize over every-freaking-thing. So, he needed to take a shot, which meant he had to actually try. Sean’s is fitting to him too because he’s a perfectionist. But Jacob’s has always been a bit of a mystery to me—that is, until you came along.”
“Me?” I question.
“Jacob’s saying is: removing half the feather will create the curve.” My chest feels heavy as I listen to him continue. “For a long time, we thought it was because he followed one path. He thought mapping out his life would give him all the answers. Little did he know that, at the age of seven, he knew nothing about life and how plans work. Honestly, my mother was brilliant because she never really explained it to any of us. She sort of said it and gave us some crap about how it applied to whatever situation she wanted it to, but it wasn’t until the last two years that I realized each was about our fatal flaws.”
I look over at the gravestone of the woman who knew her children so well she imparted wisdom that would carry them into their adult lives. What a special person she must’ve been.
“If his isn’t what you guys thought it was, then what is it?”
Declan sighs. “He doubts that he’s worthy of love, which hasn’t allowed him to take chances on love. By removing that doubt that he could get the life he wanted, even if he couldn’t protect everyone around him, he was able to give himself a chance with you.”
Oh, Jacob. Tears fall again, and I look away, knowing I’ll break if I try to speak. He is so worthy of love. He’s worthy of everything good in this world, and if he comes back to me, I’ll prove it.
I’ll give him everything, and I’ll fix this mess that I made. These last few hours have reminded me what it’s like to really lose someone. The pain that doesn’t go away. The fear of a tomorrow in a world that is devoid of that person who makes you whole.
After a few moments, Declan speaks again. “He’ll come back, Brenna.”
