Page 129 of Stay for Me
My ringtone blares again, and it’s Cybil for the second time. I can’t answer, no matter how much I want to. I just . . . can’t.
Saying the phrasesJacob is missing, plane crash, and no word from anyone yetwould be too exhausting.
The porch door opens and Sebastian steps out. “Mom?”
“Yes, baby?”
“Did they find Jacob yet?”
I shake my head. “Not yet.”
“I told Hadley that he’s going to be okay. He’s the Navigator and he’s strong. Watch.”
I wish I had his faith, but every minute that goes by is another drop of hope that drains away.
“He is strong,” Connor says.
“Yes, he is,” I agree.
He’s also been missing for five hours . . . somewhere in Colorado. He could be hurt. He could be lying there, dying and in pain, and we just don’t know.
“Why don’t we get some cookies for you guys?” Ellie suggests.
“Now?” Sebastian’s eyes widen.
Ellie leans down. “I think cookies are needed tonight, what do you think?”
He nods, and they head in the house, leaving Declan, Connor, Sydney, and me outside. It’s somber, sad, and seems as if this group is sinking into the reality that we may have lost him.
Connor clears his throat. “This waiting . . . it’s fucking killing me. I can’t fucking handle it.”
Declan nods. “The rescue teams are still out, even with the winds, and Catherine has her husband and his team also working on things. We just have to stay optimistic.”
“Have you ever been lost in the woods?” Connor asks as he gets to his feet, hands fisting his hair. “I have. It’s one thing when you know people have a clue as to where you are, but when you’re out there with no supplies . . . Jacob isn’t trained to handle this.”
“You can’t start this shit, Connor,” Declan warns.
“The fuck I can’t! You can’t tell me I’m not the only one thinking this. He’s out there right now, and I’m . . .”
“You can’t save him,” Sydney says as a tear falls down his cheek.
He leans against the wall, head falling back. “I can’t fucking save him.”
My heart breaks as I hear the pain laced in his words. We’re trying, God knows we are, but it’s wearing on us all.
Ellie returns and walks over to him, pulling Connor in for a hug. He wraps his arms around her, clutching at her back as he buries his face in the crook of her neck. “It wasn’t supposed to be any of us.”
His wife soothes him, her hands sliding through his hair as she whispers. “He has something to fight for, Connor. Don’t go down this road, not until we know.”
All eyes turn to me. Declan stands, walks over, kisses Syd on the cheek, and then jerks his head at me. “Take a walk with me? I think we both could use a break.”
I’m exhausted, but I can’t just keep sitting here. And I can’t handle thinking that I’m the only reason he wants to live, and I can’t watch his family fall apart. So, I get to my feet and nod. “Sure.”
Declan and I haven’t spent a lot of time talking. At the barbeques, he’s always a little reserved and more of a watcher. He joins in with banter and is always nice, but he’s not like Jacob or Connor, who are talkative. Sean is sweet, but he tends to come off as a bit shy. The fact that Declan’s asking me to walk with him definitely has me confused.
The light from his lantern and the moon fill the air around us as we head away from the house, neither of us saying anything, but I don’t know what I would say. My words feel like they’ve been ripped from my throat and scattered around the world, just pieces and nothing whole.
When we go another few minutes, Declan finally speaks. “As much as I’ve hated this farm, I’ve always loved it. I became someone here, as did my brothers. Not all of it was good, but the four of us always made each other better.”
