Page 120 of Stay for Me
“I messed up, Mel. I made him feel worse because I . . . I just couldn’t stop myself from going in the past.”
Her hand rubs up and down my back. “You were upset. Go talk to him.”
I release her, inhaling deeply and trying to keep the tears back. “I think we both need a little time to cool down.”
“Is that what you’d tell one of your patients if this were them?”
“No.”
“Then why are you doing it?”
Because it’s much easier to give advice than take it. Because I’m terrified of what the follow up will be. He was so hurt, and I did it to him. I hurt the man who is selfless to a fault, who has given up his own time to make others happy, and who taught me to love again. I pushed him away because I was scared.
Because Iamscared.
“Sometimes, even when we know what we should do, we choose wrong because of fear. In my heart, I know that letting him go like that is the wrong thing, but I’m afraid. If we get too much deeper and he chooses something or someone else over me, it’ll be too hard.”
Melanie shrugs, and I can see that she’s unhappy. “I think that doing the right thing, even when it’s scary, is always the best choice.”
I feel like a failure as a mother and as a professional in this. If I were my patient, I would’ve said the same. I would have told myself that I was letting fear run my life and that it’s unfair to use my issues against the man I love.
And yet I did it.
I was back in time listening to Luke say he had to work instead of in the present listening to Jacob tell me he was trying.
“You’re right. I need to fix this.”
Melanie nods vigorously. Her phone goes off, and she smiles. “I’ll talk to Jennifer while you make things right.”
I grab my phone and call him, but it goes right to voice mail. “Jacob, it’s me, please call me. We need to talk.”
Now I just have to hope he forgives me.
* * *
“He’ll call, Brenna,” Cybil says as she tosses some popcorn into her mouth.
“It’s been almost fifteen hours.”
“Not that you’re counting or anything.”
I narrow my eyes. “Really? You’re not helping.”
“Look, I’m sorry that you and your insanely hot boyfriend got in a fight and you decided to act irrationally, for the first time in your life. Honestly, what the hell were you thinking?”
I sigh. “I wasn’t.”
“Clearly. That was so unlike you. Even when Luke upset you, you didn’t act that way. You were overly understanding.”
“And that’s probably why I couldn’t do it with Jacob.”
“Or you’re comfortable with him in a way that you never were with Luke.”
I think about that and what it means. “I’m not going to be comfortable if he doesn’t call me.”
“Maybe he needs time to figure out how to handle your crazy ass. Daddy always said—”
“Not today, Cyb. Please. I can’t handle any wisdom from your father.”
