Page 105 of The One for Me
The wall in front of me has a family photo of the three of them. My sister-in-law is smiling, and I swear it feels as though she can see me.
“I’m so not prepared for this,” I tell her. “I know you thought I was the right one, but I gave him to you. I didn’t plan to ever have to do this, Hazel, and you didn’t prepare me. My role was clear, and . . . what do I do? Do I tell him who I am? Did you prepare him for if he ever found out? This wasn’t supposed to happen.”
But it did.
Austin is the one thing that has kept me here, and now, it’s up to me to do right by him.
I look into Jasper’s eyes, hoping that, if he can hear me, he’ll believe this. “I will do everything I can to make you both proud. I know you thought I was stronger than I ever did, but Austin will never have to wonder if he’s loved.”
After another moment, I get up and go into his room to grab some clothes and things he’ll need for the next week. I’m not sure how long the two of us will stay with Sean, but he doesn’t seem to be in a hurry to be rid of us.
I toss two bags full of various clothes into the car and head out to the barn.
“Do you believe in Heaven?” Austin asks.
I stop, not trying to eavesdrop, but at the same time, not wanting to break up this moment.
“I do. I think my mother is up there.”
“Do you think she knows my mom and dad?”
My hand clutches my throat as I wait for his answer.
“You know,” Sean says with a lift in his voice, “I think my mom went and found them, since she knew your dad. I bet she is helping them with how much they miss you.”
Austin is quiet for a second. “Because she misses you?”
“I’m sure she does. But I think our moms can watch us and make sure we’re doing okay. There are probably times when they’re here with us, even if we can’t see them.”
“I bet both our moms are here now.”
“Yeah? Why do you say that?”
“Because they made sure we had Aunt Devney here.”
A tear slides down my cheek.
“She’s pretty great, and I think you’re right. They knew that, with them gone, we’d need someone to love us both.”
I lean against the barn wall and fight back the onslaught of tears. They have no idea how much I love them. How much I want to do right by them, and how absolutely terrified I am to lose one or the other.
“You know, Austin, I think our moms knew we’d need each other too,” Sean says, his voice is soft and full of emotion. “You see, when I lost my mom, I was so sad, but I had my brothers. Declan, Jacob, and Connor helped me when I was sad or when things were bad.”
“Did Aunt Devney?”
“She sure did. She was always there for me, just like she’ll always be there for you. Just like I will always be there for you. If you need to talk or cry or throw the ball because you are so angry you can’t take it, I’m here. I’m your friend, and friends always stick together. There will be days where it hurts and some days where it’s not so bad. Don’t ever be afraid to talk to me or your aunt if you need it, okay?”
“I’m glad you’re my friend.”
Sean chuckles. “I’m glad too.”
And I am so beyond in love with this man that I have no idea what I’m going to do when he leaves.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Sean
“Are you going to eat?” I ask Austin as he sits on the couch.
